How to get rid of envy: useful tips

“When envy is inevitable, it should be used as an incentive for your own efforts, and not to disturb others.” Russell B.

Everyone knows that envy is a bad, destructive feeling. Envious people literally eat themselves. They consider themselves more worthy to receive the benefits (material or not) that others have. Sometimes envy occurs with lightning speed, and also quickly disappears. Sometimes lasts for years. Each of us at least once faced with this feeling. But how to get rid of jealousy and why, in fact, does it appear? Can I use it for good?

Definition of envy

What is envy? From a scientific point of view, it is a collection of feelings and corresponding behavior arising in response to the knowledge that another person has the desired material or no benefits. Envious people may experience:

bitterness;
anger;
despair
self-pity;
offense;
remorse;
reduced self-esteem.

Any things, looks, character traits, behavior can cause envy. For example, a child may envy a new toy of his friend, a woman can stand a steady leg, a man can succeed in a game. It turns out that the value of the desired object does not matter at all. What matters is how much a person dreams to have.

Types of envy

“Hate is an active feeling of discontent; envy is passive. It is no wonder that envy quickly turns into hatred.” Goethe I.

To envy are applicable such epithets as fierce, secret, impotent, light, kindly, jealous, secret or quiet, and others. In one way or another, they reflect different types of envy. However, most often there are two of its main types:

"Black" or evil envy. A man who envies in black wants evil to someone who has achieved more. He may experience hatred for years without taking any action to achieve the desired. Such envy is akin to hate. All the thoughts and forces of a person are aimed at discrediting an opponent, depriving him of goods, and causing evil. He wants a more successful opponent to fail. If this does not happen, the envious person becomes depressed, suffers, frantic with his own powerlessness. Other people's successes reduce his self-esteem.
"White" mild envy. Such a feeling can be compared to admiration, healthy rivalry. Alien successes envious encourage action. He seeks to get the same, or even the best benefits. If negative emotions arise, they more often remind of complaints about fate: "why was I born in a poor family?", "What am I doing wrong?". To some extent, white envy is beneficial. A person seeks to get more, develops himself. The only negative point is the race for unnecessary, absolutely useless things, just because others have them.

In addition, psychologists emphasize the unconscious curl, when a person does not recognize his feelings, but after meeting with a more successful comrade, his mood suddenly deteriorates, there is discontent with his own life, depression and irritability appear. There is also individual and social envy. The latter is connected with hypocrisy: "material goods spoil the character", "all the rich greedy", "happiness is not in money". Only one type of envy combines - the desire to eliminate inequality.

The reasons

“Those who, out of whim and vanity, want to succeed in everything at once are always envious. They always have someone to envy, for it is impossible that many in any way surpass them” Bacon F.

In one way or another envy is inherent in everyone. However, some people do not succumb to this feeling and quickly get rid of it, while others torment themselves for years. Why it happens? Uncontrolled black envy most often occurs for the following reasons:

Low self-esteem. An envious person almost always considers himself unworthy, defective, deprived of his rights. Often, problems begin as early as childhood: too small a height, rejection in a circle of peers, lack of attention of parents, etc.
Material lack of comfort. Lack of funds forces a person to give up even the necessary things. All desires and dreams remain unfulfilled. If the situation does not change for a long time, then dissatisfaction with one’s own life results in hatred of others, envy, anger.
Depression, overt or covert disease. A sick person sees the world in a black light, he is inclined to dramatize and complain about fate. His constantly feeling unwell makes it impossible to succeed, to rejoice over others.
Strong desire to get something. For example, if a person is deeply in love and wants to get the attention of a chosen one or a chosen one, he will be very sensitive to the success of his rivals. This also includes the desire to become the best student in the class, a favorite child in the family, to succeed in sports, build a career.

Almost all envious people is extremely important opinion from the side. Such a comparison with others can bring both harm and benefit. The main thing is to know how to get rid of envy of people, to be able to direct your feelings in the right direction.

What to do?

Not everyone can own their emotions. It is really very difficult. At first, a person feels, and only after that an intellectual reaction occurs. However, if you do not recognize your negative emotions, do not fight with envy, then the result will not be exact. What to do?

Recognize envy. No need to blame yourself for that. To envy is peculiar to each person. What matters is where you direct your feelings.
Understand what caused it. It is necessary to analyze your feelings and find out why you are, in fact, jealous.
Separate the object of envy and the person who owns it. Make it necessary. To make it easier for you, you can introduce several more people who have the desired thing for you (for example, a car). And also those that you don't have.
Look at things real. Surely the person you envy has a lot of problems in another area. He may be handsome, but stupid, smart, but poor, rich and handsome, but sick. You do not know what it is to be in his skin, to go through his whole life. But you can always redraw your own.
Focus on the desired. You must develop a plan, present in detail how you will reach the goal. Answer the questions: "what's stopping you? What needs to be done to overcome obstacles? After what time can you fulfill your dream? Is this really what you need?"
Take action. Let your envy become motivation. Dreaming of wealth? Find a higher paying job. Marry? Start actively to get acquainted. Enter the university? Apply and get ready. Lose weight? Sign up for the sports section.

Opinion of the author. If you often find yourself jealous, then this is an alarm bell. Most often we pay attention to others when something is wrong with our lives. A happy, contented person is not jealous. Therefore, I believe that the only way out of the situation is to stop looking at others and sort out your own problems. Happiness loves purposeful.

Useful tips

So, you decided to fight with envy. To win this "war" it is useful to know some secrets:

You must learn to recognize the virtues, successes and achievements of others, rejoice over them. Thus, you can learn from someone else's experience. Feeling respect in his direction, the person will respond to you in the same way. Besides, rejoice much nicer than envy. To make things easier, try writing down the names and virtues of people who are superior to you in a notebook. Think about what you would like to learn from them and why.
Make it a rule to compare yourself only with yourself yesterday. You will always be surrounded by people who are more successful, more famous, more beautiful, richer. It is impossible to succeed in all and in all. Therefore, to compare yourself with the rest is meaningless.
Remember your virtues. Try to list all your positive qualities, write them down on paper. Start developing them.
Do not give in to emotions, think. Everything has its price. The man who saved millions, most likely, sacrificed his health and personal life. Are you ready to spend less time with your family, get sick at work, give up gathering with friends?
Thank the one who was envied. This person has helped you understand what you want. Maybe it is thanks to him that you will become a famous scientist, singer, cosmonaut. Or just drop a few extra pounds.

Man is a social being. All our life we have to interact with different people - rich and poor, beautiful and ugly, smart and stupid. It is important to learn to live in peace with everyone, then inside it will be calm and good.