From time to time we quarrel with our relatives, we bicker with our colleagues, we argue with the boss. And we do this with varying success, because we do not think about the logic of differences. This professionally engaged in conflict. To facilitate their work and the lives of ordinary people, they literally dissected a conflict situation and put it into 3 stages of conflict.
Conflict is a multifaceted, fluid concept. As a living organism, it develops according to its own laws. The derived pattern will help managers, employees, parents, spouses to assess a conflict situation without distorting the essence, fear of it, cope with the consequences of stress and constructively understand the consequences.
Conflict stages
Stage 1. Pre-conflict
The conflict has not even become apparent. Someone said something or did not say, the other said nothing or did not say anything. At first glance, nothing happened. But the snow from which the avalanche will later form is already blinded. Between the future participants in the collision, tension is gradually maturing. If you do not pretend that nothing is happening, at this stage the situation can still be neutralized by "little blood". Neglect of the quarrel will not save. But the situation will develop by itself without the participation of opponents.
Gradually, the atmosphere is heating up to such an extent that little things are enough: a look, a word, a gesture, so that a storm will break out.
Stage 2. Conflict
In fact, a conflict is an incident during which the majority loses its composure and habitually moves according to the knurled pattern. Some people prefer to shout and stomp their feet, others - they pull in their heads and keep silent, some offer solutions, some go to court, and the fifth give up. It all depends on the experience and vocabulary of opponents. The larger the participants' vocabulary, the higher the probability of ending the hassle without the use of physical force.
Conflict cannot last forever. When the main passions subside, the parties diverge in different directions, make their conclusions about what happened. Often these conclusions are built on emotions, so they have little in common with the present state of affairs.
Stage 3. Post-Conflict
Colliders analyze the result and compare it with their expectations. Expectations were met? Attitude towards what happened inspires optimism. Unjustified expectations are the cause of "conflict phobia." A conflict situation can lead to the complete destruction of relations or strengthen them. Destruction of relationships often becomes the first stage of a new conflict. Strengthening the relationship allows us to conclude: not everything is so bad in a quarrel, if after it you can cool to make peace.
But the conflict is not just called a living organism. It grows, feeds on the emotions of the participants, creates a certain potential for development, and is experiencing a rise and fall in energy. It would be quite simple to divide such a complex system into only 3 stages. In order to better study and understand the energy of the collision, conflictologists have divided the stages of conflict development into several stages:
- The stage of pre-conflict is divided into 2 stages: the emergence, maturation;
- The conflict stage is divided into 3 stages: incident, conflict, development of the situation;
- The post-conflict stage consists of one stage: the consequences of a conflict.
Even when it seems that everything is out of control, you can connect logic, common sense and go to cooperation instead of endless hostility.
Stages of conflict
Stage 1. The origin of the conflict or "nothing foreshadows trouble"
To recognize a conflict at the initial stage, one needs super-intuition or many years of experience as a conflictologist. At the very start, you can resolve the situation in simple ways. When time has not yet been wasted on the conflict situation itself, the opposition forces have not been formed, the participants are not involved from the outside. The best way to settle can be a simple conversation between employees, spouses, parents, children. It will reduce the destructive forces and lead to a constructive solution to the looming confrontation.
For example: the arrival of a creative and freedom-loving employee at a firm with a strict disciplinary framework gives rise to active resistance on his part. If you ignore the resistance at the early stages, spend your energy on training a beginner, persuading, overcoming resistance, you can break up the existing team, lose discipline and let the situation go out of control.
Stage 2. Maturation or "search for allies"
At this stage, opponents have already clearly defined the scope of the dispute: work, friendship, family, relationships, power, money, sex, and so on. At the same time, preliminary work is underway to collect information and designate allies. There are active negotiations on finding people who sympathize with or dislike the opponent. Gradually formed groups are concentrated, gaining energy. At the same time, minor clashes may occur, but a global clash does not yet reach. The best way to settle is the intervention of the authoritative side, which will help the parties to meet and agree.
For example: sluggish quarrels between different departments in an enterprise sometimes last for years. During this time, employees are more concerned about mutual accusations, discussing each other’s shortcomings, rather than work. It is in the interests of the manager to gather opponents in one office, let them speak, debate and go about their business before disagreements lead to mass layoffs or open sabotage.
Stage 3. Incident or "Trigger"
Unfortunately, sometimes participants begin to recognize the conflict only at this stage. When the roles of “victim”, “executioner”, “judge”, “bazaar woman”, “peacemaker”, “scapegoat” and others are clearly distributed. No matter how carefully the opposition behaves, the click will be an unwashed cup, the wrong number after the comma in the report, any comment. As a result, a small pebble will lead to a rock fall. The best thing to do at this stage is to concentrate on the cause of the disagreement, and not on the “small pebble”.
For example: the wife is unhappy with her husband's earnings, the husband constantly criticizes her manner of housekeeping. But the cause of the scandal becomes a bad grade in the child’s diary. The child becomes not only a “pebble”, but also a “scapegoat”. Spouses should be on time to understand the cause of dissatisfaction, do not get lost in children, and talk about everything in private.
Stage 4. Conflict or clash
It is at this stage that aggression, rudeness, anger are manifested - all those signs of conflict, thanks to which many get negative experience and conflict of fear. But during the collision occurs cancellations information. In the team, you can learn about the shortcomings of work or the organization of work, in the family - to reveal the causes of dissatisfaction, which are silenced for months. The best thing to do in this situation is to remember that peace is considered the best outcome of a quarrel.
For example: there is rarely full agreement between parents and teenagers. If you simply crush with authority or pretend that nothing is happening, you can destroy the relationship forever. Therefore, it is worth trying to hear each other, choose words, share your concerns or experiences.
Stage 5. The development of the conflict or the choice of tactics
At this stage, the subject of the dispute remains unchanged, but the behavior of opponents changes. Roles may even be reallocated. And now the attacker himself becomes the object of criticism. When the peak of tension and aggression subsides, opponents try to end the quarrel simply because the situation is unpleasant for them. The best thing you can do is connect logic, prudence, politeness, tact and figure out the relationship to the end.
For example: undisguised rudeness, the phrases "you are a rude person" or "you are a deceiver" will translate the conflict into a plane of clarifying relations, and the original reason will remain behind the scenes. Therefore it is necessary not to succumb to the provocation of the opponent and try to get to the bottom of the truth.
Stage 6. Post-conflict situation or "digestion" of consequences
At this stage, you can review not only the outcome of the collision, but also analyze your behavior in hot pursuit. If you are unhappy with the outcome of the collision, you can, of course, boil with indignation and continue to mentally swear with your opponent, come up with all the new arguments. But it is better to remember exactly where you "gave a weak sign." If you have achieved what you wanted, you should enjoy the triumph and give yourself the opportunity to "digest" the situation, like delicious candy. The best thing you can do at this moment is not to scold or exalt yourself for any outcome, but to listen to your feelings.
For example: you won the argument, proved your point. But somewhere inside, "conscience gnaws." They may have played dishonestly, destroyed a relationship, or offended a person.
If we consider the stages of conflict as an ordinary theory, then this information is of little use. It is worth trying them to a specific problem. Gradually, he will build up his own strategy of behavior and exit from confrontation, the ability to think critically even during an incident and openly express discontent with the opponent’s action.
