In every family there are family crises. They may be caused by specific events, or have no definite reason.
Most psychologists are of the opinion that it is necessary to classify the crises of family life by years.
Concept
Family crisis - deterioration of relations between spouses, resulting from the loss of mutual understanding.
During a crisis, spouses no longer have the same feelings of trust, understanding, attraction, etc. for each other.
Most often, the couple is not able to independently resolve the negative situation that has arisen. The best option is an appeal to specialists.
Ignoring the problem contributes to the aggravation of the situation, which ultimately can lead to the disintegration of the family.
The reasons
Each family is individual, so a single system of causes of problems does not exist. Nevertheless, it is possible to identify a number of the most common life situations that become the impetus for misunderstanding in a couple:
- Material difficulties. The main cause of family crises in our country. Family life involves the joint solution by the spouses of a huge number of domestic issues. Most of these issues are related to material costs. The lack of a sufficient level of income in the family certainly leads to serious problems: unsettled life, debts, loans, deprivations.
- Treason. The betrayal of one of the parties leads to the most serious problem in the family - the loss of trust. Discovered treason provokes suspicion, aggression and resentment of the second spouse and immediately leads to a family crisis, which often ends in divorce.
- Young age. According to statistics, most early marriages break up in the first years of marriage. The reason is the lack of life experience, material base, and patience on both sides.
- Professional failures. The problem arises if one of the spouses has achieved some success in his career, and the second could not be realized in his profession, was dismissed, demoted, etc. Especially acutely experiencing a similar situation, men, depending on the income of his wife.
Due to the partner’s nervous condition and his dissatisfaction, constant scandals, quarrels and experiences become inevitable.
- Family difficulties. Often there are no relationship problems between spouses, but their family life suffers because of the intervention of third parties from among relatives. Parents, children, brothers and sisters can be a source of disputes between husband and wife. In a conflict situation between relatives, each spouse takes the side of their loved ones, which ultimately leads to climate change in the family is not for the better. Particularly high risk of such problems when cohabitation of spouses with relatives.
- Diseases. This may be a disease of one of the spouses, or a child’s illness. The presence in the family of a sick person makes life difficult both from a moral and material point of view.
- Different values. Often at the stage of courtship, young people do not pay enough attention to the community of interests. Having entered into marriage, they face the problem of a complete lack of mutual understanding due to differences in upbringing, education, temperaments, and life values. The absence of points of contact immediately leads to a crisis.
- Age experiences. Often in psychology the concept of “midlife crisis” is used. This phenomenon affects men more, but women are also affected. In a certain period of life, a person begins to rethink values, analyze their successes.
Often, people come to the decision that the passage of life that had been passed was conducted incorrectly, that changes are necessary.
It seems to a person that changing a partner can change his mood, self-perception for the better, improve self-esteem, etc.
Regulatory Crises
The above crises have a probabilistic nature - in one family they can happen, but not in the other.
For example, when concluding a marriage between mature people who have a certain life experience and material wealth, crises are excluded due to material difficulties, differences in interests, young age, etc.
Regulatory crises experienced by almost every family have a different nature.
These are certain difficult life situations through which practically all spouses pass.
Regulatory crises include:
- Start cohabitation. After marriage, a man and a woman begin to live in the same territory, solve everyday problems together, share the common budget, etc. Often, cohabitation in the first time is not easy for couples.
- Parenting. Birth of a child, absence of children, difficult age periods (infancy, early school age, adolescence). Children are the basis of the family, so with their appearance the family becomes complete. At the same time, with the expansion of the family, the range of duties, problems and differences also increases. The role of a parent requires a lot of strength, attention and patience. Often the views of the spouses on the upbringing of children may diverge.
Complicates the situation and the general fatigue of spouses, financial problems, especially the nature of the child, care for him (especially in the infancy), etc.
As a result, the relationship between husband and wife often fade into the background, and in the first place parental responsibilities. This situation immediately leads to a family crisis, since a man and a woman stop paying attention to each other, are interested in the problems of the second half, spend time together, etc.
- Children leave the parental home. The crisis arising from the previous problem - the escalation of matrimonial relations in relations between parents. Grown up children leave the parental home, and parents are faced with a common problem - the lack of common interests. The link, in the role of which the children acted, disappears, and the spouses lose the meaning of continuing to live together.
- Pension. With the onset of retirement, the spouses have a lot of free time, which they are forced to spend under the same roof. Lack of professional interests, communication with colleagues, development often leads to a deterioration in relations.
- Death spouse. The death of a loved one often leads to prolonged depression, chronic diseases, apathy. It is difficult for a person to come to terms with the loss and start living anew.
When is it coming?
To understand that the family crisis has come, you can featured:
- lack of understanding, support;
- frequent quarrels, conflicts, disagreements;
- aggression, assault;
- Lying;
- treason;
- mistrust, suspicion, etc.
Chronology
Exists specific chronology family crises by year and event.
First year
Newlyweds start living together, face domestic problems, material difficulties.
When living together reveal the character traits of the second half, which were invisible during the period of courtship.
Birth of a child
The appearance of the baby in the house always complicates relationships between young spouses. Difficulties may begin at the stage of pregnancy. During this period, women often have mood swings, health problems, fears, etc.
Not all husbands are ready for such manifestations. After the birth of the child appear new difficulties - sleepless nights, problems with daytime sleep, feeding difficulties, childhood illnesses, the inability to be alone, etc.
Constant lack of sleep leads to irritability, aggression among spouses. All this adversely affects their relationship.
The situation may be aggravated by the presence material difficulties, as the maintenance of the child requires significant costs.
3 years
At this moment, spouses who have established a family life and have given birth to a child (and sometimes two), psychological fatigue from each other.
Often there are disputes on minor issues, disagreements, problems in the intimate sphere, etc.
The presence of small children significantly complicates the situation.
5 years
After five years, most families already have one or two children. If the children attend kindergarten, then the parents new responsibilities appear - take the children to the garden before work, pick them up after work.
Daily execution of the same algorithm of actions in combination with fatigue after work, tiredness from everyday problems and the presence of material difficulties provokes the development of dissatisfaction with one’s life, the desire to change something.
If during this period a woman continues to be on maternity leave with a second child, she may experience apathy from monotony of its existence. The spouse, in turn, may lose interest in his wife, who has been sitting at home for a long time and acting exclusively as housewives.
The third option is that the couple still have no children. After five years of marriage, the absence of children can lead to one or both spouses. opinions about the meaninglessness of the union.
7 years
The main cause of problems at this stage is monotony.
The children have already grown up a bit, life has been adjusted, the spouse has long become dear and understandable.
Parties are beginning to feel the need for fresh sensations, new emotions.
This is especially true of the intimate sphere. At this stage, adultery often happens.
The only way out - jointly look for ways to create a new interest in family life: change their place of residence, go on a journey, change their image, try something new in their intimate life, etc.
9-10 years old
Spouses already do not have each other special passion, attraction or interest. Their relationship has long entered the usual direction. They are well versed in the habits, attitudes and interests of each other. Addiction leads to boredom, apathy.
10 years is a serious "experience" of family life. The relationship between a husband and wife who have been married for 10 years is more like a strong friendship, not a union of loving people.
The main interest in this period is focused on children, on improving material welfare and living conditions. Spouses more immersed in material tasks and pay little attention to feelings, emotions in marriage. This can lead to serious problems.
12-15 years
At this point, children tend to reach adolescence.
Arise natural difficulties in the relationship between parents and children.
Quite often quarrels between husband and wife occur during this period. on the basis of different views on parenting. Increased material costs for children leads to additional controversy.
15 years. During this period, most spouses reach the age of forty years. Psychologists consider this age to be a crisis, as people re-evaluate values, analyze their own achievements and failures.
Men often conclude on the need change partner. It seems to them that a younger companion will significantly improve their quality of life, attract success.
Women, in turn, at this age already feel the need for certain statusin proper quality of life.
The discrepancy between the achievements of the spouse and their expectations leads to the presentation of claims to the spouse, the appearance of dissatisfaction with family life.
Later
Children grow up and leave the parental home. Spouses are left alone and discover the complete absence of any connections. apart from the habit of living together. Sometimes the departure of children from the parental home becomes an impetus for breaking the relationship between the spouses.
How to survive?
What to do? What are the main ways to solve the problem? To overcome the family crisis, spouses need to:
- discuss problems with each other;
- maintain mutual respect, trust;
- be honest and frank;
- when it is impossible to solve problems independently, seek the help of specialists;
- not to devote relatives, friends, colleagues to their family difficulties;
- remember the responsibility for children in need of a full-fledged family;
- arrange family holidays, field trips, holiday trips and other activities that allow you to maintain a positive attitude and take a break from everyday problems.
So with family crises facing any married couple at certain stages of living together. It is important to recognize alarming symptoms in time and take all necessary measures to save the family.
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