Everything is the same for everyone: on Saturdays there is general cleaning, on Sundays - a trip to the mother-in-law, once a month - with the children to the park. Even on vacation every year get out. It seems that nothing threatens a measured family lifestyle. Suddenly, a problem arises on the horizon that instantly turns the whole idyllic picture into dust - betrayal of the wife. Long, long lasting.
Why? For what? How and when did it come to this? And was it possible to prevent everything?
Why women change
Violence and blackmail. “Accidentally” due to alcohol. New, and maybe the first true love. All this is not the most common reasons. If you think about it, they all happen unexpectedly for the traitor. Further, the motives that are pushed to a special adultery and occur quite consciously will be listed.
Revenge
Because the guy behaves rudely and releases greasy jokes in her direction. Or because he said that the florist in the house opposite her has a pretty face. This may be a trifle, but repeated again. There are women who prefer to discuss it and find a compromise. The cheaters take more radical steps.
For the sake of justice, it is worth saying that most often girls change in retaliation for the same betrayal on the part of their chosen ones. Often on such an act they are being pushed by a really serious misconduct of a man.
Coldness and indifference
Rarely when the beginning of a relationship takes place without a “candy-bouquet period”. At this point, the man often gives gifts, showered with compliments, behaves gallantly, courteously.
Time passes, the intensity of emotions begins to subside. Help or attention from a woman begins to be taken for granted. At the same time, the external interest of the guy also begins to disappear. Is he:
- ceases to say pleasant words, to express gratitude to his companion;
- ignores her need to talk. Phrase "We need to talk" causes him only irritation, attempts to avoid conversation;
- more negative features - inaccuracy, sharpness, etc .;
- ceases to be interested in her affairs, mood. Do not waste time on support and similar important things;
- rarely helps with household chores, grumbles if something goes wrong in everyday life.
Such frank pofigizm and the adoption of all care, affection as a due does not like the woman at all. She will go to seek a lack of respect, interest, recognition on the side. To the one who gives her a remake of the “candy-bouquet” stage with all the compliments, adoration and admiration for her character and appearance.
Dissatisfaction with sex
This category includes the following issues:
- neglect of her need for satisfaction, the repetition of actions that she clearly does not like, the lack of foreplay, kisses;
- “Sex on Fridays” - a sense of duty, a rigid framework does not add to the pleasure. Sex life blossoms in its spontaneity. Finance requires a systematic and account, sex - no;
- reproaches, mocking jokes in relation to her skills in bed, appearance;
- neglect own form. Yes, women love the ears, but their eyes do not go away. If a man completely scores on his appearance and all the more hygiene, sex with him noticeably worsens;
- vagueness, monotony, standard of intimate life, denial of some form of sex;
- her fear of being "perverted", strange because of her secret fantasies, to remain misunderstood, criticized.
In such a situation, she will look for someone who will be attentive to her desires in bed and fulfill her erotic dreams.
Attempts to increase self-esteem
“If I get admired glances, then I'm good”. Because of this thought, some women are just flirting with other men. However, most of this is not enough, they go to kisses, dates, and, finally, to direct treason.
If a girl all the time feels ugly, stupid, non-sexual, then the guy who will give her a couple of compliments will most likely deserve her interest and favor.
The jealousy of a spouse also increases self-esteem.
Routine
If you go back to the story about Oleg, then you can immediately see the typical routine. All according to plan, according to the schedule, no novelty and improvisation. He is unlikely to spontaneously take time off at work, take the children to the mother-in-law in the middle of the working week to get his spouse into a restaurant / cinema / theater, and then arrange a hot night.
The appearance of children, pets, gray hair, as well as long-term cohabitation do not cancel the need for dating. It is desirable to at least occasionally allocate time devoted only to the partner. Romance and unpredictability (in a good way) make even the most long-term union happy.
Quarreling
Misunderstandings, disputes are everyday matters. These are natural, even regular events that occur when two adults with formed characters, outlook on life try to live together.
However, if any difference, minor misunderstandings are constantly poured into a ton of loud swearing, mutual insults, it is an alarming signal. She will go where it will be calm and quiet, if the husband:
- does not try to discuss difficult situations, takes time off from real problem solving;
- provokes scandals, breaks down on his wife (due to fatigue or trouble at work, for example);
- he perceives the slightest criticism and request to change something with hostility, goes to conflict;
- too emotionally reacts to trifles, in a second turning to the tone of a wounded boar;
- shows signs of passive or active aggression - pushes, slaps, pokes fun, humiliates;
- looks like all problems to the spouse, refusing to admit even obvious guilt;
- He sees the cause of each quarrel in excessive emotionality, hysteria of his faithful.
If a man suddenly appears on the horizon, supporting her in the rightness, protecting her peace, when she is with him, the wife will most likely begin to “visit” with him often.
Jealousy
This is the reason that works in two ways. A girl will think about an affair on the side, if her boyfriend is constantly and without a good reason:
- finds fault with her, arranges interrogations about her environment, in particular - the male;
- requires detailed reports on all its actions, locations;
- fiercely leafing through her correspondence, likes, social network comments, phone contacts, call history or browser in search of compromising information;
- uses stinging or greasy jokes about her loyalty;
- controls her every step, visibly restricting her freedom.
The opposite situation: if a man frankly gives grounds for jealousy, his woman will wonder whether she should be faithful. And the husband does not have to change. He can flirt with others, come back from work later than usual, turn off the phone and leave, not to say where and for how much, but he will not sleep or kiss anyone. However, even this situation is enough for the wife to decide to commit adultery.
“All by herself”
She was tired, she was tired of dragging everything on herself, once again without waiting for the help she had asked for so many times. And there, beyond the slave kingdom of endless chores, financial troubles, other troubles, she finds the one who allows her to relax. He removes the burden of responsibility from her, solves her problems and treats her in general as if she were a princess.
The reasons for which she will go in search of "prince" or "reshaly":
- all household chores are completely on her shoulders (cleaning, cooking, washing, ironing, taking out the garbage, repairs, etc.);
- development, study, leisure and other important affairs of children is completely her responsibility;
- she is more responsible for the financial back of the family, she is not satisfied with it, the money is most likely still not enough, and the husband is not trying to fix it;
- she manages to combine life, children, work, study, circles on macrame and self-development, and a whole bunch of things to “stay afloat”. And the spouse is always too “busy / tired / not in the mood” to take on at least part of the responsibilities;
- in case of problems at home, the wife is the main specialist in solving them.
How to prevent spouse infidelity
These methods do not guarantee a 100 percent result. Especially in a relationship with a pathological traitor. However, their observance will make it possible to recognize the problem in relations at the early stages and substantially reduce the risk of its aggravation.
If you follow these recommendations seems insufficient or difficult task, it may be time to visit the office of a family therapist.
Tenderness and attention
Compliments, surprises (even if rare, small in the form of flowers, breakfast in bed or romantic notes) help women feel loved and desired.
This also includes the external expression of feelings - hugs, kisses, holding hands, stroking, the same prelude before sex. In a house where care and participation become regular guests, there is no room for a third extra.
Conversations and listening skills
This is something that can truly save at least half of the causes leading to infidelity. According to psychologist Willard Hadley, a woman needs about 2 hours of attention from her chosen one daily.
Wives want their spouses to listen to them carefully, emotionally empathize, actively participate in discussions. That is to sit with a stony face, thinking about high matters, while she talks about the incident at work, will not work. We'll have to delve completely, to score on selfishness, laziness.
If she decides to talk about things that bother her, it's best to listen.
If she cries, you can not ignore, leave, push everything to her emotionality.
If she goes to cry, it means to solve the problem differently, she could not reach her partner.
Sincerity
At the beginning of the relationship, the man acts as a reliable rear, a protective wall. In any case, this is how his woman sees him. When this “knight” suddenly begins to lie - no matter, on trifles or on a large scale - his confidence in him is noticeably weakened. The same applies to stealth, silence, reservations.
If she no longer thinks she can rely on him, her interest, respect will diminish, and they may well be gone. And there and close to adultery. Therefore, truth, truth and only truth.
Full time job
Financially.
Most wives prefer stability. They want to feel confident that their children will always be fed and clothed. That holidays will remain holidays, not eternal savings. That the necessary trip to the doctor will not be a luxury. That homeliness does not collapse under the influence of an unforeseen monetary crisis.
Who would not say about the mercantile spirit, but the women's need to be confident in the future is understandable.
Generally.
It is not enough just to listen to her. It is not enough that she needs attention. Important to act. Matured conflict - sit down, discuss, find a way out, make attempts to eliminate. Elimination of the causes of the conflict, and not the quarrel itself as its result.
Work on yourself, on relationships, on improving living together. We are talking not only about the material aspect, but also about the moral, cultural, social, spiritual.
To betrayal of his wife did not become a reality, it is important to adhere to the described tips. Attentiveness, a departure from the perception of feelings, care as ordinary things, work on relationships will make loyalty a constant guest in the house. It is much easier to immediately exclude the causes leading to adultery than to try to live with the grave consequences of treason.
