Emotional addiction is negative behavior, which leads to serious personality disorders.
This condition has characteristic features.
Concept and types
What it is?
Emotional addiction - This is a state of pronounced psychological dependence on another person, whose opinion and words completely determine the emotional state of the subject himself.
Similar unhealthy affection leads to the fact that the person is completely immersed in the relationship with the subject, whom he chose as a "deity" and ceases to live his own life.
There are several options for emotional dependence.
From man
In the presence of a strong attachment to another person, the appointment of this other “idol” to be worshiped takes place.
All words, deeds, actions of this person are benchmark. They completely determine the victim's views of emotional dependence, her behavior, desires.
As a result, completely the person’s identity is lost. He ceases to objectively evaluate himself as an independent subject. There is a merger with its "deity", the life and interests of which come to the fore.
From approval
A person can be dependent not only on the opinion of a particular object, but also on public opinion in general.
The desire to make a positive impression on others, win approval - These are typical traits of an emotionally dependent person.
Such a person may initially choose the type of activity that is unsuitable to him, shoulder many foreign duties, forget about his own plans and desires for the sake of other people's interests, etc.
Often, such individuals do what no one demanded of them or even expected. from the desire to like and make an impression. At the same time, they act in a similar way, not only among friends, friends or colleagues, but also among absolutely strangers.
The desire to win the approval of others most often based on the following aspirations:
- avoid loneliness;
- become popular;
- fill the void in the soul with emotions received from other people.
The main danger of such behavior lies in the fact that self-esteem is not based on their own ideas about themselves, but on the opinions and attitudes of other people.
From a relationship
People in a love relationship always to some extent dependent on each other.
But with the strong emotional affection of one of the partners, the relationship ceases to be healthy.
A person who is addicted to relationships, makes a partner the meaning of his life.
There is a constant need for communication, attention, telephone conversations, etc. If the object of affection becomes inaccessible for any reason, a feeling of fear appears.
A person in a dependent relationship does not feel the fullness of life without his partner and does not feel complete. Similar thinking in the end harms not only him, but also the object of his passion.
The second member of the pair is charged with the responsibility for the happiness and peace of his dependent partner. He has to constantly be in touch, control his emotions, respond to endless inquiries, etc.
The reasons
The main reasons why emotional attachment occurs:
- Fear of being alone. A person may have a constant need for another person to be around for fear of being alone.
Such experiences can be caused by children's fears, negative experiences of the past, inability to live independently without reliance on other people.
- The implementation of the complex of the victim. Such individuals unwittingly seek a partner who will suppress them and subordinate them to their will. People who consider themselves to be a constant victim of other people or circumstances, deep down, feel the need for sincere love, care and understanding.
- Infantilism. The immaturity of the psyche often becomes the cause of dependence on another person. The ability to completely shift responsibility for one’s well-being to someone allows one to avoid making informed decisions.
- Diffidence. Unconcerned people most often find themselves in emotional dependence on others. Low self-esteem breeds the fear of being unworthy of your partner, losing his love and respect. It is easy to subordinate an unsure person to the will of an authoritative person.
- Hyper Responsibility. Addicted people are in the belief that they owe everything to something. The constant desire to care about the welfare of others and ignoring their own needs - this is the right way to unhealthy relationships.
- The need for psychological shake. The pursuit of unhealthy relationships can be quite conscious. A person whose life does not differ saturation, may enter into a relationship with a deliberately undesirable partner in order to obtain new emotions and experiences.
Typically, such people choose a couple of bright, active personalities whose lifestyle is the ultimate dream.
How to get away from emotional attachment?
Since this state is negative, it is important to find ways out of it.
Treatment methods
You can achieve effective results using the following methods of auto-training:
- Internal observer. You must choose any one "healthy" part of the body, free from thoughts and experiences about the behavior of the "idol". In this part of the body will be placed "internal observer" free from any experiences and worries. In critical situations (during quarrels, partings, etc.) one should look around with the eyes of this observer and evaluate the situation from a positive point of view only. All negative emotions that arise should be placed in another part of the body. As a result, when any experiences appear, they will occupy only a small part of the consciousness and not affect the mood of the person as a whole.
This technique will reveal the fact that the relationship with the "idol" is only a small part of life and can not fully engage all thoughts.
- Concentration on breathing. When anxiety appears, concentrate fully on your breathing. It is better to close your eyes and visualize how the air enters and leaves the lungs. Breathe slowly, calmly. At this time, it is important not to think about anything outside and concentrate fully on your body. When negative thoughts appear, they must immediately be stopped and again switched to the visual perception of their breathing.
- Living feelings Addicted people do not understand themselves and do not realize their true desires. One can learn to live one’s feelings by giving each of them a specific place. For example, the feeling of anger is placed in the right hand. Experiencing anger, you need to do something intensively with this hand - wash the floor, clean the plumbing, etc. This will allow to give free rein to feelings and not to accumulate negative in oneself.
If you do not solve the problem yourself using these methods, should seek help from professionals.
In severe cases, emotional dependencies can lead to serious depressive conditions that represent a danger to human health and life.
If necessary, the psychotherapist develops a treatment program that includes not only the holding of sessions, but also the appointment of antidepressants, tranquilizers.
Technique "drying"
You can eliminate the addiction by technology "drying". Its use allows you to break the connection with the object of attachment.
It is necessary to retire in a quiet place and carefully consider the connection that exists with another person. You can try to visualize the image of this connection.
How she looks like? Where does the origin come from? What emotions causes?
Answers to all these questions will allow understand the true feelingswhich causes the object of attachment.
Then it should be imagined that the connection was abruptly broken. Most likely, this image will cause a feeling of discomfort. After that, it is important to indicate the purpose of the link What makes this connection?
Next you need present yourself from the position of "Super I". This is an improved version of the personality, which contains all the desired features of the "idol." It is important to feel this version of yourself and realize the possibility of its existence.
Now you need to re-imagine the break of communication and instantly replace it with a new connection - with your “Super I”. As a result, there is a new object on which you can rely.
It is important to feel gratitude to the connection left and imagine that its part goes to the past object of affection. This will allow him to reach the state of "Super I". As a result, the gap will be a good thing for both parties.
Last step - integration. Here is the union with its improved version, the transition to a new level of self-perception.
How to get rid of addiction?
Methods of getting rid of dependence are universal for men and for women, but there are some differences, taking into account the characteristics of the psychology of the sexes.
From man
Women by nature created for family and children.
For this reason, they consider any relationship with a man from the point of view of creating a family in the future.
The heightened emotionality of most women, their need for love and care often lead to strong attachment to the chosen one.
How to break the emotional connection with a man or husband? You can get rid of it as follows:
- Remove responsibility from men. It is important to realize that a man is not a source of stability and confidence.
He is only a partner who complements the life of the original whole, versatile woman.
- Get rid of fears. It is important to constantly improve your self-esteem (achievements, hobbies, self-care). Then fear of losing a man will be replaced by calmness and self-confidence.
- Avoid negative expectations. Often, the past negative experience makes it difficult to build a full-fledged relationship in the future. It should block bad thoughts and not think out the situation.
From the woman
Men, in contrast to women, are more focused on external achievements (career successes, wealth, etc.). Therefore, most often in emotional dependence are those men who have not achieved much success.
Because of their insolvency, they don't feel confident, afraid of losing your partner. How to get out of emotional dependence on women?
Solutions to the problem:
- Increase self-esteem. Each person has their strengths. Even in the absence of material well-being, professional achievements, a man can be interesting due to his personal qualities. It is important to realize their virtues and love yourself.
- Analysis of the situation. Thinking men different logic. You can try to solve the problem by conducting a thorough analysis of the relationship. What is good about them? What is bad? What steps should be taken to change the situation?
- Forecast consequences. Before you call, write, complain, or take other steps, the consequences of these actions should be presented.
This will make it possible to realize that most emotional reactions themselves provoke problems that can be avoided in a relationship.
In this way, get rid of emotional dependence really. It is important to realize that the existing relationships carry a negative and take steps to change the situation.
Emotional dependence in relationships - advice from a professional psychologist:
