A person feels happy when he succeeds complete all the work started.
The task to go full cycle in all undertakings from beginning to end is laid in the mind of the individual.
However, some cases or relationships remain open for various reasons. In these situations, a person loses motivation, desire to develop. This is especially reflected in interpersonal relationships. This concept has the name "incomplete gestalt".
What does it mean?
The term "gestalt" in German means "Holistic image".
Its main feature is the desire to be complete.
In simple terms, this is what a person must complete in order to feel emotional satisfaction. For example, athletes, even when injured, tend to reach the finish line.
From the point of view of psychology, the gestalt should always be completed, that is, bring things to a logical end. However, in the life of almost every individual a lot of incompleteness accumulates, from small and insignificant to serious, hindering the further development of life.
For example, a person did not finish reading a book, did not finish talking with a friend, etc. several such gestalts.
More serious are: the break in relations as a result of a quarrel, the death of a loved one, an unfulfilled dream. The person constantly scrolls these events in memory, thinks what could be done to correct the situation.
What does incomplete look like?
If you draw an analogy with a computer, you can see what happens if don't complete the program correctly.
And some programs? The technique just starts to “hang”, give errors and can break down altogether.
The same happens with the human psyche. Unfinished gestalts do not allow to develop, impede personal growth and the establishment of new relationships. The man seems to be walking in a closed circle.
He begins a new relationship, and they end in one and the same - a gap. After that comes emptiness and apathy. And now the person blames himself or others, declares himself a loser, tries to discover a generic curse, etc.
The quest for completeness is due memory effect on unfinished actions. The human psyche will focus on one goal until it reaches it. The more this task means to a person, the more difficult it is to distract from it.
Under normal conditions, this property helps to go forward, without being distracted by extraneous moments, to achieve goals. But sometimes unfinished gestalts are very harmful to relationships.
After all, often the completion depends not only on the individual, but also on other people, external circumstances. It happens that close past gestalt impossible at allFor example, in the case of the death of a loved one.
Therefore, a person walks in a vicious circle, being in a "hovering" state, an unresolved goal. takes away all his life energy. First, it takes time, then emotions, and then destroys a person physically.
How to determine the gestalt?
Before proceeding to the completion of the gest, it is important to discover it.
How to do it? You can understand that there are unfinished scenarios in life by the following featured:
- Specific job or information cause an attack of unreasonable anxiety, panic, anxiety in a person.
- An individual cannot finish a business or project. for unknown reasonsas if someone is hindering him.
- Girl or boy avoid new relationships after a painful parting. Thus, they simply avoid possible pain.
- Every new relationships go according to past scenario. It may be suspected that the person simply selects similar partners. However, it is the unfinished gestalts that prevent the script from changing.
- Parents forcibly force a child follow the path they have mapped out. It seems to them that this is the surest way. In fact, they are simply trying through children to realize their unfulfilled dreams.
- Individual constantly "Comes on the same rake", that is, it falls into the same unsightly situation. For example, it becomes a victim of fraudsters, crashes a car, leaves work with a scandal.
The above facts indicate the presence in the subconscious of unfinished processes: bindings to people, places.
What is the danger?
If a person has accumulated a lot of everyday unfinished gestalts, it will cause anxiety and anxiety.
In the case of relationships everything is much more serious.
The danger of incompleteness is as follows:
- Personality constantly feels dissatisfaction with life and can not understand the reason for their discomfort.
- With strong experiences people get to neurosis, psychosis, depression, suicidal thoughts.
- A person develops laziness and apathy. He continues to go with the flow, not seeking to change anything in her life, even if she does not suit him.
- Psychosomatic diseases often develop, and doctors don't find their reasons.
- Individual unable to move forward, build a career, start a new relationship.
He constantly returns to the past scenario, involving all the new "actors" in it.
Impact on loved ones
If only the individual himself had suffered from an unfinished gestalt, it would be half the trouble.
The saddest thing is that close people are involved in the process often innocent of anything.
This is expressed in all known situations. For example, a child dreamed of becoming a musician, and went to study as a lawyer, because his parents decided so.
In consequence, all his life he will try to make his child a musician, without asking his wishes. Although you could realize your dream much later, even in a slightly different form.
Also, the girl who was once betrayed by her beloved will annoy the new lover with her jealousy, constant control.
If the rupture of relations occurred on the eve of the wedding, then the woman may have an obsessive desire to arrange a celebration, in spite of everything. This will be her goal and the meaning of the relationship, not the relationship itself.
Sometimes arise very difficult situations. For example, the pregnancy ended in miscarriage. The woman is then afraid to get pregnant again, so as not to experience a new grief.
The diagnosis of chronic non-lingering or infertility of unknown origin is often unrelated to physical problems. The girl is absolutely healthy. She is hindered by an unfinished gestalt, which provokes the repetition of the script.
How to complete?
In most cases, the person can complete the unfinished scenario.
The surest way is achieve what was impossible to achieve earlier. Unfortunately, this is not always possible.
Then certain psychological techniques come to the rescue. They form the basis of gestalt psychology. Psychotherapists recommend the following self-healing methods:
- Situation simulation. A person must scroll through the events in his head, think about how they could end. That is, create a new script.
- Transfer. You can discuss some situation with your current partner, ask him to be more attentive, gentle.
Perhaps he will be able to fulfill an unfulfilled desire. Thus the gestalt will end.
- Failure to fight. It should be realized that this is the past and treat it accordingly. In other words, stop giving away energy and start ignoring. Sometimes it's hard to do, but the result is worth it.
- Removal of problems from the subconscious. This is a reverse technique, in which the individual must pay attention to pop-up images and situations from the past. When they are scrolled with the help of the mind, they will go into the category of finished ones.
Hardest defeat the strongest affection for gestalt. When he captures completely the whole person and holds in shackles. This usually happens when a relationship breaks.
A man can not help thinking about a lover, constantly visits her page on the network, asks her friends about her.
The principle should work here. "leaving go".
You can not leave half or slightly stay. All connections should be cut off, all bridges should be burned: remove the number, get rid of all things that remind of the past.
Sometimes helps relocation, long vacation. Of course, not simply to get rid of dependence, but each day the attachment will weaken and gradually let go completely.
When a person is not able to cope with the problem on his own, he needs to contact a psychotherapist. Gestalt therapy is aimed at the awareness and perception of the personality itself as a holistic image.
Through customer awareness accepts rejected sides of personality: emotions, traits, desires. This is followed by self-acceptance and restoration of personality. It is important that a person be independent, that is, she should follow her aspirations, and not embody other people's dreams.
Reasons for contacting professionals are:
- constant stressful situations;
- difficulties in building relationships;
- poor adaptation to the new environment;
- many phobias, fears, worsening the quality of life;
- the inability to achieve goals and desires;
- depressed state;
- constant yearning for the past;
- heavy loss.
Protection
To ensure that the load of unsolved problems does not put pressure on the shoulders, should not allow them.
But a lot of problems are rooted in deep childhood. Here psychotherapists come to the rescue.
In adulthood, it is important to prevent incompleteness, always close open gestalts. This can be done in the following ways:
- Expression of feelings and emotions openly. Let it be even anger or anger. The main problem is understatement and repressed experiences. You can express them not only verbally, but with the help of drawings, singing and other creativity.
- Express your thoughts. Of course, it is not always possible to say what the interlocutor thinks, since the rules of etiquette and upbringing do not allow. Then you can talk the situation with relatives.
- To finish the started to the end by any means. You can not postpone the case for later, accumulate them so that they do not lay heavy burden on the shoulders.
- Do not allow understatement. If there is a quarrel, then you need to strive for dialogue. It should be explained, to express their claims, feelings. Even if the separation is inevitable, the relationship will come to a logical conclusion.
Closing the gestalt only at first glance seems simple. In fact, it requires a great effort of will, dedication. Not everyone can cope with past problems.
If the individual still managed to do it, then he get rid of unnecessary cargo and move far ahead in its development.
What is unfinished gestalt and why close it? Find out from the video:
