How to improve relations with her husband: tips and help of a psychologist

Sooner or later, each couple faces a family crisis. At some moment it seems to one or both of them that it is impossible to overcome it and the only right decision is to file for divorce. However, do not rush. Perhaps today you will understand how to improve relations with your husband. Look at this man, is he still dear to you?

Why did the relationship go bad?

“My husband comes after work and immediately withdraws into himself. Words don't tell him, I’m not talking about care and affection at all. He’s sitting and playing all evening. Trying to talk to him, to all of one answer -“ don’t invent ”

" We have been married for 14 years. Somehow quietly separated from each other. My husband has his own circle of friends, and I am more at home with my children. But they will soon finish school, and then what? I think we became just roommates. "

"After my husband found a new job, our relationship changed a lot. We rarely began to see, we only talk about everyday topics. I want romance, and he thinks I have nothing to do. Last month I constantly cry, tired of his coldness"

There are a lot of similar messages on the net. More than half of women are unhappy with the behavior of their spouse. Some are modestly silent about this, others are looking for reasons. In fact, the discord in the relationship is explained quite simply:

The husband cannot forgive your offense, he is distressed by your behavior. Usually men talk about such things directly, but their wives miss their words, taking the comments as an insult or personal insult.
The spouse had difficulties at work, in the parental family, worried about health. Men often hide problems from their wives that are not related to their family. In such cases, they become withdrawn, gloomy, uncommunicative.
You gradually drifted away, became not interesting to each other. Close emotional, sexual and friendly family contact is very important. If you have ceased to keep in touch with your spouse, or have simply been silent about existing problems for too long, then do not be surprised that he has become a stranger to you (as you have for him).

Council number 1. Our loved ones change every day. Stay in touch all the time, be interested in their thoughts, opinions, mood. Do not take all the "bayonets."

Love is work

During the years of family life, a couple faces a crisis of interpersonal relationships more than once or twice. Psychologists have noticed that spouses are particularly in conflict or are moving away from each other by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 14 years of marriage. Often, problems in relationships are associated with natural changes in the family - “lapping” each other, having a baby, leaving a wife from a decree, monotony, menopause, growing up children.

To save their initial feelings for each other requires a lot of effort, desire, knowledge from both spouses. If you constantly just “feed on” feelings, but not “feed” them, then after a while they will run out. In other words, you need to work on relationships, only then love and happiness will reign in the family.

Council number 2. Relationships need to work all my life. Ask yourself, what have I done for my spouse today? Can I love this man only when everything is fine? Or can I love him when it's hard for us?

Weather in the house

From time immemorial, it was believed that a woman - is the keeper of the home. Her duties included not only establishing cleanliness and order in the house, but also creating a special, positive atmosphere. Today, the rhythm of life of most women leaves no time to engage in comfort. Some do not have time for elementary things, for which they often break loose on her husband: “you haven’t taken out the garbage again”, “when you stop scattering your socks”, “I just do what I clean after you”, “why should I wash the floor while you watch TV".

These phrases become so familiar that a woman speaks them automatically. After work, the husband receives not a joyful smile, positive emotions from meeting his wife, but a stream of discontent. And, of course, he begins to fend off: "you constantly saw me," "you always have little money I earned," "I arrange others and such." It turns out a vicious circle. However, break it in your power. Start to create a positive atmosphere in the house:

Take a habit before going to bed, after waking up, when you come home from work to smile to your husband, to say nice things.
Talk calmly. Before you bring the flow of discontent on her husband, think, is it really that important?
Try to cheer up your man, praise, inspire him.
Unobtrusively interested in the affairs of her husband.
If the spouse is not in the spirit, leave him alone with him.
Keep the house clean.
Arrange around the house memorable, cute both things. On the walls hang up happy joint pictures.
Follow family traditions. If they are not there, think up together (for example, to cook pizza together every Saturday).

Council number 3. The atmosphere that prevails in the house, depends entirely on the woman. Learn to be the keeper of home. Do not destroy it with careless phrases.

What to do is absolutely impossible

Surprisingly, women often make the same mistakes. On some of them husbands close their eyes. However, there are things that are very angry and alienate any man. So, if there is discord in your family, and you do not know how to improve relations with your husband, first of all, give up the following behavior pattern:

To pester the spouse with questions and quibbles. For example, the husband is engaged in something, and the spouse at this moment asks him, what is he thinking about now? Such questions cause only irritation in men. What can he think about now, if he is busy with something?
Require a lot of communication. Women need more communication, and this is a fact. During a day without stress, a wife can use more than 20,000 words, gestures and sounds, when her husband needs only 7,000. Then he just gets tired and misses the flow of information past his ears.
Explain hints. Conversations that start from afar confuse men. They simply do not understand what the spouse leads to. For example, if a woman’s request to take out the trash bin begins with a story, as she is tired of cleaning up after all that she is afraid to leave the house because there is no light on the staircase, her husband will be completely disoriented. What she wants: 1) so that he can help, 2) just complain, 3) twist a light bulb, 4) hold it.
Find out the relationship with children, friends, strangers. Even if the spouse is really mocked, he will be angry with you for public humiliation, loss of his reputation. Respect for others is very valuable for men.
Deny intimacy, blackmail sex. It often seems to women that such manipulation is an excellent "lever" of managing a husband. However, they forget that the world around is obsessed with affordable sex. And men understand this very well. Sooner or later, the husband deprived of intimacy can take advantage of the "from the side" offer.

How to improve relations with my husband? From my own experience I will say that to do this quickly will not work. To change the well-established family structure takes time. Start with yourself, learn to meet your husband every day anew, accept all of his shortcomings, love him not “for”, but “against”. You will be surprised how soon your relationship will sparkle with new colors, the spouse will become more attentive, affectionate, will begin to show himself from the best side. Be happy!