How to wean a child to beat mom or dad?

Famous American Pediatrician Benjamin Spock loyal to the manifestations of child aggression.

For example, recommended not to take to heart, if the kid hits holding an adult in the hands of the face or where it falls.

They say, over time, the child will outgrow the crisis of periodic bursts of aggressiveness, since good relations between the people around him and the favor of parents will serve as a good example. But Is this practice always appropriate? not resistance?

Causes of aggression

It is impossible to take seriously the children's play of war games with an attempt on the lives of the participants of the battle, and not every cuck is a sign of child aggression towards loved ones.

How to recognize when it’s time for the child to explain the desired framework for his behavior and what does his attempts to behave rudely with others in reality mean?

Of course if baby is too small and not yet able to not only assess their actions, but even manage their own hands with difficulty - no one is insured against unintentional arrivals in the face.

But if, in the future, adults will not show that such actions are an undesirable phenomenon, the habit may be fixed in the subconscious of a little person and will become an acceptable practice for him.

Why do kids beat their parents?

Age 1-2 years:

In babies coordination of movements is far from perfecttherefore, all the blows that have been fulfilled are on the conscience of the adult’s caring child.
One-year-old kids and slightly older begin to socialize and try to determine their place in the family with the help of aggression. This is not a pathology, but sign of natural development baby
In order to avoid problems in the future, the process is necessarily monitored and used for educational purposes.
Someone from adults taught the child to play, conditionally called “punish mom-dad”, or he himself aggressively behaves towards them. And the child reads the information and copies the behavior.

Age 3-4 years:

Indulgence and permissiveness, the lack of an adequate response to aggression against an adult.
Hysterical character.
Instantly excited psyche requires a quick discharge, so the process is poorly controlled by the mind and is not regulated by the internal “brakes” that have arisen due to upbringing.
Tense family environment or even violence: what the child sees, it reproduces.
Deviation in development. Children with serious mental illness cannot control their behavior.

Age 5-6 years:

Preschoolers are already well aware of the difference between permissive and non-permissive behavior, if they grew up in an adequate environment.

Therefore, any non-gigantic attempt to hit an adult or parent is a sign of a serious problem.

the child is allowed everything, which is why he is used to the fact that no one decree to him;
mental disorder;
living in a family where demonstration of violence and aggression is a normal practice;
access to video with a cruel plot.

Why a one-year-old baby beats mom in the face?

While he is just beginning to learn about the world, slapping his face is a way of knowing the world and one of the few forms of protest that is currently available to the child. The child is not fully awarethat in the adult world is a way of expressing humiliation, humiliation and aggression.

But in any case, it is strictly forbidden to translate a random punch into the game format by pushing the child over and over to repeat slaps on the face of the mother or another person.

A despicable, in essence, habit may begin to be fixed in the child, to have fun while hitting someone. In the future, such a base of skills may be the cause of poorly understood, but perseverance for bullying over someone.

Intentional strike should be arrested with words indicating your dissatisfaction with this behavior and blocking the raised arm and leg for repeated action.

If the child persistently breaks to perform the blow and he succeeds, you can parry the manipulation response. Naturally, not at full strength, but tangible.

For example, tap on the handle with a finger and strictly say that it is impossible to do so. Even without understanding the meaning of many words, children closer to the year already recognize intonations perfectly and are able to respond to them correctly.

What to do?

A child beats his parents when he is freaking out: what to do? From one and a half to two years old children are quite conscious perceive themselves and the world around them within the family.

With proper upbringing, they already have some idea of the framework of normal behavior, but, naturally, they are not always able to control their aggressiveness and other strong emotions.

But already little by little they assimilate the connection between bad behavior and subsequent punishment in the form of a ban on dessert, playing on the computer, etc.

Directly at the time of the tantrum, one of the adult behaviors can be a strong embrace of the child with the blocking of the arms of the legs.

In the normal psyche of a child, such an effect quickly has the desired effect, since it does not allow the child to disperse to the full extent.

Besides adult calm also acts positively.

How to behave?

Show your child your dissatisfaction behavior using facial expressions and strictly voices.

It is advisable to block each blow with an interception, to fix an arm or a leg in the air and to pronounce out loud that it is impossible to behave this way.

In the absence of the desired reaction warn the child about the subsequent retaliatory strike on your part, if the child does not stop attacks.

At the end of the acute phase of the manifestation of aggression, find out the reason for its occurrence and exclude factors to prevent relapse.

It is important to get from the environment (husband, other relatives) so that they adhered to the policy of providing resistance child and humane relief of aggression, and did not encourage him with statements like: “So she! Come on! Here is a naughty mother, come on, go slap her. ”

How to wean to fight with parents?

Adhere to the same line of conduct as described above.

With frequent repetitions of the situation or in cases where the child continues to attempt to punish older relatives, it is better to contact a psychologist to determine the essence of the problem and the factor provoking such behavior.

Psychology tips:

Do not confuse random baby slaps in the face with the desire to hit you. But in any case, do not turn such actions into games, if you do not want the formation of the wrong behavioral matrix.
Pay attention to the moment single adult behavior in this matter: any actions resembling a beat should not be used as an element of the game. Fights with pillows, soft swords, boxing, play romp does not count.

The first cases of pugnacity may be a sign interest in the breadth of the boundaries of acceptable behavior and the desire to find out their position in the "flock". Therefore, do not panic, but simply explain that it is impossible to behave this way and in the family you are the main one, not the child.
Find out the reason aggressive behavior. If you are spoiled urgently and categorically change the method of education. With an aggressive atmosphere in the family, look for a way to change the atmosphere.
If you identify an annoying factor in the form of aggressive computer games, movies, eliminate it.
Seeing the growing irritation of the child, give him the opportunity run from the heart or get involved in active play.
Be sure to respond on inappropriate behavior and stop it at the beginning of the conflict.
Always try find out the cause of anger.
Formulate in the child a concept that the feeling that has seized them is anger and it is normal to feel it, but prohibited to be in physical punishment format someone else. Be sure to follow this line of conduct yourself.
Do not find out the relationship with the child. He will accept the aggression, even without understanding the meaning of the words, and will surely work it out with you or someone from the environment.

Parenting mistakes

What mistakes parents should not make:

Do not think that children's attacks are harmless and temporary phenomenon. In the absence of corrective educational measures, the problem will become larger and it will not be easy to eliminate it.
Do not panic. Always look for the cause of the attack. Is this a challenge to climb higher on the hierarchical ladder in the family, or does banal tiredness prevent a child from behaving according to the rules of good taste known to him? Or the result of systematic observations of how dad brings up mom? Your further actions should be adequate and appropriate to the cause of the problem.
Be sure to achieve cohesion in his "team" on the policy of dealing with the problem. Otherwise, the child’s psyche will experience a double burden, trying to understand the reasons why one adult resolves negative behavior and approves aggression, while the second fights with it and punishes it.
Because of this, before the neurosis and uncontrollable behavior are at hand.
Be the first example of proper behavior.: do not hit the child, but always verbally voice the problem, your reaction to it and the way to resolve the conflict.
Do not think that hard films, music, conflicts in the family and on the street, seen or heard by a child, harmless to the child's psyche. On the cortex of the brain is fixed everything that the baby even feels. Then all this will definitely manifest in real life and you will have to deal with it.
Do not give up psychologist helpif you can not cope with the manifestations of aggression.

The child’s repeated attempts to beat an adult, in the vast majority of cases, are symptom of the existence of a psychological problem.

Therefore, do not be a fool and do not be moved by this “war of the midget with the giant” - look for the seed of the conflict and uproot it as soon as possible.

Else it will germinate and remove will require much more time, spiritual strength and maybe even money.

Why does a child beat parents? Find out the opinion of a psychologist: