In this article I will talk about how to stop being nervous. I will explain how to remain calm and cool in any life situation without the help of soothing pills, alcohol and other things. I will talk not only about how to suppress the states of nervousness and calm down, but also explain how you can stop nervous in general, bring the body into a state in which this feeling simply cannot arise, in general about how to calm your mind and about how to strengthen the nervous system.
The article will be built in the form of successive lessons and it is better to read them in order.
When are we nervous?
Nervousness and jitters, this is the feeling of discomfort that you experience on the eve of important, responsible events and activities, during psychological stress and stress, in problematic life situations, and just worry about every little thing. It is important to understand that nervousness has both psychological and physiological causes and manifests itself accordingly. Physiologically, this is related to the properties of our nervous system, and psychologically, with the characteristics of our personality: a tendency to experience, an overestimation of the significance of certain events, a feeling of insecurity in ourselves and what is happening, shyness, anxiety for the result.
We become nervous in situations that we consider to be either dangerous, threatening our lives, or for some reason or other significant, responsible. I think that the threat to life does not so often loom in front of us, the townsfolk. Therefore, I consider situations of the second kind to be the main reason for nervousness in everyday life. Fear of failing, looking inappropriate in front of people - all this makes us nervous. In relation to these fears, there is a certain psychological adjustment, this has little relevance to our physiology. Therefore, in order to stop being nervous, it is necessary not only to put the nervous system in order, but to understand and realize certain things, let us begin by understanding the nature of nervousness.
Lesson 1. The nature of nervousness. Necessary protective mechanism or hindrance?
We begin to sweat palms, there may be tremor, increased heart rate, increased pressure in the thoughts of confusion, it is difficult to gather, concentrate, hard to sit still, I want to take something hands, smoke. These are the symptoms of nervousness. And now ask yourself, will they help you hard? Do they help to cope with stressful situations? Do you get better at negotiating, taking an exam or chatting on a first date when you are cocked? The answer is of course not, and indeed it can mess up the whole result.
Therefore, it is necessary to firmly understand that the tendency to be nervous is not a natural reaction of the body to a stressful situation or some ineradicable feature of your personality. Rather, it’s just a kind of psychic mechanism fixed in the system of habits and / or a consequence of problems with the nervous system. Stress is only your reaction to what is happening, and no matter what happens, you can always react to it in different ways! I assure you that the effects of stress can be minimized and nervousness eliminated. But why eliminate it? And because when you are nervous:
- Your thinking abilities decrease and it is more difficult for you to concentrate, which can aggravate the situation, which requires maximum mental resources.
- You are less in control of your intonation, facial expressions, gestures, which can have a bad effect on responsible negotiations or a date.
- Nervousness contributes to a faster accumulation of fatigue and tension, which is bad for your health and well-being.
- If you are often nervous, it can lead to various diseases (meanwhile, a very large part of the diseases stem from the problems of the nervous system)
- You worry about trifles and therefore do not pay attention to the most important and valuable things in your life.
- You are subject to bad habits: smoking, alcohol, because you need to relieve something stress
Remember all those situations when you were very nervous and this negatively affected the results of your actions. Surely everyone has a lot of examples of how you broke down, unable to withstand the psychological pressure, lose control and lose concentration. So we will work with you on this.
Here is the first lesson in which we learned that:
- Nervousness does not bring any benefit, but only hinders
- You can get rid of it by working on yourself.
- In everyday life, there are few real reasons to be nervous, because we or our loved ones rarely get threatened, mostly worried about trivialities.
I will return to the last point in the next lesson and, in more detail, at the end of the article and tell you why this is so.
You must set yourself up as follows:
I have nothing to worry about, it bothers me and I intend to get rid of it and this is real!
Do not think that I'm just talking about what I have no idea about. I spent all my childhood, and then youth, up to the age of 24, experienced great problems with the nervous system. I could not pull myself together in stressful situations, I was worried because of every little thing, I even almost fainted because of my sensitivity! This had a negative effect on health: pressure jumps, “panic attacks”, dizziness, etc. began to be observed. Now it's all in the past.
Of course, one cannot say now that I have the best composure in the world, but still, I stopped being nervous in those situations that put most people into nervousness, I became much calmer compared to my previous state, I went to a fundamentally different level of self-control. Of course, I still have a lot of work to do, but I am on the right path and there is dynamics and progress, I know what to do.
In general, everything I’m talking about here is based solely on my experience of self-development, I don’t invent anything and only tell what helped me. So if I were not so painful, vulnerable and sensitive young men and, then, as a result of personal problems, I would not begin to redo myself - all this experience and a site that summarizes it and structures it would not exist.
So, let's go further. The first lesson we have learned, go to the second.
Lesson 2. How to stop being nervous for any reason?
Think of all those events that plunge you into nervousness: the boss calls you, you pass the exam, you expect an unpleasant conversation. Think about all these things, assess their degree of importance for you, but not separately, but within the context of your life, your global plans and prospects. What is the significance of the squabble in public transport or on the road on a lifelong scale, and is it so awful to be late for work and be nervous about it?
Is this something to think about and worry about? At such times, focus on the purpose of your life, think about the future, distract from the current moment. I am sure that from this perspective, many things because of which you are nervous will immediately lose their significance in your eyes, will turn into utter nonsense, what they certainly are and, therefore, will not be worth your experiences.
This psychological adjustment helps a lot. stop being nervous for any reason. But no matter how well we set ourselves up, although this will certainly have a positive effect, it will still not be enough, since the body, despite all the arguments of the mind, can react in its own way. Therefore, we will move on and I will explain how to bring the body into a state of calm and relaxation just before any event during and after it.
Lesson 3. Preparation. How to calm down before a crucial event.
Now an important event is inexorably approaching us, in the course of which, our ingenuity, composure and will undergo verification, and if we successfully endure this test, then fate will reward us generously, otherwise we will lose. This event can be a final job interview of which you are dreaming, important negotiations, a date, an exam, etc. In general, you have already learned the first two lessons and understand that nervousness can be stopped and this should be done so that this state does not prevent you from focusing on the goal and achieving it.
And you realize that an important event awaits you ahead, but no matter how significant it is, even the worst outcome of such an event will not mean the end of all life for you: you do not need to dramatize and overestimate everything. It is from the very importance of this event that the need to be calm and not to worry comes. This is too important an event to allow his nervousness to screw up, so I will be collected and focused and will do everything for this!
Now we bring thoughts to calm, remove jitters. First, immediately get rid of all thoughts of failure from the head. In general, try to calm down the fuss and nothing to think about. Free your head from thoughts, relax your body, exhale deeply and inhale. To relax will help the most unsophisticated breathing exercises.
The simplest breathing exercises.
This should be done like this:
- you inhale on 4 counts (or 4 beats of the pulse, you must first find it, it is more convenient to do it on the neck, not on the wrist)
- keep the air inside you
- exhale on 4 bills / hit
- do not breathe 2 bills / blow and then inhale again for 4 bills / blow - all from the beginning
In short, as the doctor says: breathe - do not breathe. 4 seconds inhale - 2 seconds delay - 4 seconds exhale - 2 seconds delay.
If you feel that breathing allows you to take deeper breaths / exhalations, do not cycle 4/2 seconds but 6/3 or 8/4 and so on.
Only you need to breathe the diaphragm, that is, the stomach! During stress, we breathe rapidly with the chest, while diaphragmatic breathing calms the heartbeat, suppressing the physiological signs of nervousness, bringing you into calm.
During the exercise, keep attention only on breathing! There should be no more thoughts! It is most important. And then after 3 minutes you will feel relaxed and calmed down. Exercise is done no more than 5 7 minutes, according to the sensations. With regular exercises, breathing practice not only helps you relax here and now, but also generally puts the nervous system in order and you are less nervous without exercise. So highly recommend.
You can see my video on how to do diaphragmatic breathing correctly at the end of this article. In the form of I talk about how to cope with panic with the help of breathing. But this method will also allow you to get rid of nervousness, calm down and pull yourself together.
Other relaxation techniques are presented in my article how to learn to relax.
Well, here we are prepared. But the time has come for the event itself. Then I will talk about how to behave during the event, so as not to be nervous and be calm and relaxed.
Lesson 4. How not to succumb to nervousness during an important meeting.
Picture calm: even if neither emotional mood nor breathing exercises helped you relieve tension, then at least try with all your strength to demonstrate external calm and equanimity. And this is necessary not only to mislead your opponents about your current status. The expression of external peace helps to achieve peace of internal. This works on the principle of feedback, not only your well-being determines your facial expressions but also facial expressions determine your well-being. This principle is easy to check: when you smile to someone you feel better and more fun, even if you were in a bad mood before. I actively use this principle in my daily practice and this is not my invention, it is really a fact, it is even written about it in Wikipedia in the article “emotions”. So the calmer you want to appear, the more relaxed you actually become.
Watch for facial expressions, gestures and intonation: the principle of feedback obliges you to constantly look inward and be aware of how you look from the outside. Do you seem too tense? You do not run eyes? Are the movements smooth and measured or cutting and impulsive? What does cold impenetrability express to your face or can all your excitement be read on it? In accordance with the information about yourself received from the senses, you adjust all your body movements, voice, facial expression. The fact that you have to take care of yourself in itself helps you to gather and concentrate. And it's not just that with the help of internal observation you control yourself. Watching yourself, you focus your thoughts at one point - on yourself, do not let them get off and lead you in the wrong direction. So concentration and tranquility is achieved.
Eliminate all markers of nervousness: what do you usually do when you are nervous? Are you kicking a ballpoint pen in your hand? Gnaw a pencil? Tie a knot in your thumb and little finger of your left foot? Now forget about it, we hold our hands straight, often not changing their position. Do not fidget on a chair, do not shift from one foot to the other. We continue to look after ourselves.
Take your time: hurry, vanity always sets a special nervous tone. Therefore, do not rush, even if you are late for a meeting. Since any rush very quickly brings down the composure and calm attitude. You begin to rush nervously from one to another, in the end only provoke anxiety. No matter how hurried you are, do not be in a hurry, being late is not so terrible, better take care of your nerves. This applies not only to important meetings: try to get rid of the rush in every aspect of your life: when you are going to work, traveling in transport, doing work. It is an illusion that when you are in a hurry, you achieve results faster. Yes, the speed increases, but only slightly, but you lose a lot in concentration and concentration.
That's all. All these principles complement each other and can be summarized in the appeal “Watch Yourself”. The rest is particular and depends on the nature of the meeting itself. I would advise you only to think over your every phrase, not to rush into the answer, carefully weigh and analyze everything. You do not need to try to make an impression with all available means, you will make it so if you do everything correctly and do not worry, work on the quality of your performance. No need to mumble and get lost if you were taken by surprise: calmly swallowed, forgotten and move on.
Lesson 5. Calm down after the meeting.
Whatever the outcome of the event. You are on edge and still experiencing stress. It is better to take it off and think about something else. Here all the same principles work that helped you pull yourself together before the meeting itself. Try not to think a lot about the past event: I mean all sorts of fruitless thoughts, and if I had acted so and not that, oh, and how I’d probably look stupid there, oh, I’m noodle, but if ...! Just throw all the thoughts out of your head, get rid of the subjunctive mood (if), everything is already gone, bring your breath in order and relax your body. That's all with this lesson.
Lesson 6. It is not necessary to create at all reasons for nervousness.
This is a very important lesson. Usually a significant factor in nervousness is the incompatibility of your preparation with the upcoming event. When you all know, you are sure of yourself, why should you worry about the result?
When I studied at the institute, I missed a lot of lectures and seminars, I went to the exams completely unprepared, I hoped that I would carry it and pass it somehow. As a result, he passed, but only because of the phenomenal luck or the kindness of the teachers. Often went to retake. As a result, during the session I experienced such unprecedented psychological pressure every day due to the fact that I was trying in a hurry to prepare and pass the exam in some way.
During the sessions, an unreal number of nerve cells was destroyed. And I still felt sorry for myself, I thought how much everything had come over, how hard it was, oh ... Although I myself was to blame, if I had done everything beforehand (I didn’t have to attend lectures, but at least material to prepare for the exam and surrender I could provide all the intermediate control tests for myself - but then laziness owned me and I was not at all organized), I wouldn’t have been so nervous during the exams and worried about the result and for taking me to the army if I I will not give up something, since I would be confident in my knowledge.
This is not a call not to miss the lectures and study at the institutes, I say that you should try not to create stress factors for yourself in the future! Think on before and prepare for business and important meetings, do everything on time and not delay at the last moment! Always have in your head a ready plan, but rather several! This will save you a significant part of the nerve cells, and indeed contribute to great success in life. This is a very important and useful principle! Use it!
Lesson 7. How to strengthen the nervous system and how to stop nervous over trifles
Для того чтобы перестать нервничать не достаточно только следовать урокам, которые я изложил выше. Нужно также привести организм и ум в состояние покоя. И следующее о чем я расскажу будет те правила, соблюдая которые вы сможете укрепить нервную систему и испытывать меньше нервозности вообще, быть спокойнее и более расслабленным. В результате этого вы поймете как перестать нервничать по пустякам. Эти методы ориентированы на долгосрочный результат они сделают вас менее подверженными стрессу вообще, а не только подготовят к ответственному событию.
- Во-первых, чтобы исправить физиологический фактор нервозности, и привести нервную систему в состояние покоя, нужно регулярно медитировать. Это очень хорошо способствует успокоению нервной системы и успокоению разума. Об этом итак много писал, поэтому не буду на этом останавливаться.
- Во-вторых занимайтесь спортом (как заставить себя заниматься спортом) и проводите комплекс поддерживающих оздоровление мер (контрастный душ, здоровое питание, витамины и т.д.). В здоровом теле здоровый дух: ваше моральное самочувствие зависит не только от психических факторов.Спорт укрепляет нервную систему.
- Больше гуляйте, проводите время на воздухе, старайтесь меньше сидеть перед компьютером.
- Занимайтесь дыхательными упражнениями.
- Бросайте вредные привычки! Учитесь снимать напряжение без сигарет, без алкоголя и прочего. Ищите безопасные для здоровья способы расслабления! Пейте меньше кофе!
- В том случае, если причина, по которой вы не можете расслабиться это постоянная нервная спешка, импульсивность, постоянно рассеянное внимание, сложности с тем, чтобы долго сидеть на одном месте, тогда рекомендую к прочтению эту статью. (Как избавиться от синдрома дефицита внимания и гиперактивности (СДВГ))
О том как снять стресс без алкоголя, я уже написал статью, можете ознакомиться по ссылке.
