How to survive the death of your child and find the strength to live on

Having decided to have a child, the couple assumes a great responsibility, because the little man must be taken care around the clock. However, the joys of parenthood redeem all stresses and anxieties.

Sometimes life deals a heavy blow to the family, depriving mom and dad of their favorite children. Not every person can survive the death of a child, especially if he feels his own guilt. However, it is by no means impossible to give up in such a situation, because even at such a terrifying tragedy, life does not end.

Getting rid of guilt feelings

How to survive the death of your child - the question, literally seeing through the pain. Psychologists say that regardless of the causes of death of the child, his parents still feel guilty. They did not see, stayed away, did not come to the aid in a difficult moment. Even if the baby died from a serious illness or died in a plane crash due to reasons beyond the control of mom and dad, they will still reproach themselves for what happened during the rest of their lives.

That is why getting rid of guilt is the first step to healing the soul. In what ways can this feeling be, if not overcome, then at least drown out?

It is necessary to imagine how the child would react to everything that happens. It is unlikely that he would have blamed mom and dad. Moreover, the baby probably wanted his parents to be happy even after he left.
It is necessary, as rarely as possible, to think about what happened, to analyze the causes of the tragedy and one’s own actions. It is impossible for any person to change the past, which means that it’s simply useless to blame yourself.
Often, consolation is found in religion. The Bible will teach desperate parents to forgive not only others, but also themselves.
If the parents were really to blame for the death of the child, they should do charity work. Try to atone for wrongdoing by helping other people.

How to survive the death of a daughter or son, if the torments of conscience do not subside? Often, people themselves arouse guilt. They believe they are worthy of suffering, and if the pain subsides, they specifically tinker with memories to awaken it. Such behavior is unacceptable, because it causes not only the person to suffer, but all those around him.

In such a situation, you need to try to forget about the past, remove for a while the photographs of the deceased family member, try to get distracted by something else. Over time, heartache will be much less noticeable. The wound will never heal completely, but the grieving parent can let go of the problem.

Another mistake - a regular visit to the grave. When a person is in the place where his child is buried, the soul is literally torn apart. You should visit the cemetery as little as possible, while not reproaching yourself for indifference. Life must go on despite the fact that it will never be the same.

How to start a new life

Anyone who finds himself in such a difficult situation is trying to figure out how to live after the child’s death.. It seems that the light went out, everything around has lost its meaning and meaning. Often in such a situation, people decide to commit suicide, because they simply do not see the point of continuing their torment.

However, psychologists say that effective ways to start a new life still exist, and here are just the most natural of them:

temporarily leave the apartment where the parents lived with the dead child, since everything here reminds them of the tragedy;
it is necessary to block the memories of death, the funeral, to stop tormenting your own heart;
it is recommended to go on a journey, to be distracted in understanding the world;
in no case can not be locked up at home, because the more often parents communicate with others, the easier it is for them to forget about the problem;
should find new interests, hobbies.

Mom and dad of the deceased child will literally have to start life from scratch. They need to find a new place of residence, it is possible to change the social circle, interests. All this will help if you do not stop suffering, then at least to forget.

Psychologists say that pain often does not leave a person throughout life. However, over time, he learns to treat her philosophically, ignoring remorse.

When the experience subsides, it will be possible to meet with old friends, return to the apartment where the child once lived, get old photos. However, while the wound is fresh, storing the heir’s belongings and memories will bring only endless suffering.

How not to deal with the problem

Psychologist's advice on how to survive the death of a child is often ineffective. As a result, a person begins to look for his own cure options, not always safe for his psychological or physical health.

What ways of dealing with the problem are considered absolutely unacceptable?

Immersion in drug and alcohol intoxication. This option is not only harmful to health, but also absolutely useless, because sooner or later a person will sober up, which means that mental distress will return.
Attempted suicide. Every time a person has such thoughts, he needs to think about how a favorite child would react to this?
Accusations against all others in what happened. Trying to relieve pain, a person begins to blame for what happened, not only himself, but also doctors, friends, bystanders. However, there will be no benefit from this, except the heart-nagging hate.
Complete isolation from the outside world.

What is a natural human reaction to tragedy? He is trying to hide, to protect himself from someone else's influence, simultaneously searching for the culprit in what happened. However, this behavior generates only negative. Hatred, pain, depression - all these satellites of the family tragedy will follow the man relentlessly if he chooses the methods of dealing with what happened above.

How to act? First, you need to talk about pain, not to keep it in your heart. To do this, you can communicate with a psychologist, with the second half or with people who have been in a similar situation. Secondly, one should be open to the world. Life gives a person not only pain or suffering, but also incredible joy. The wider he opens his heart for something good, the faster it will happen. Thirdly, it is necessary to release the problem, try to treat it philosophically. All this will help with time if you do not forget about the tragedy, then at least reduce the mental suffering.

The birth of a new child, as a way to forget about the death of the former

The death of a baby is such a big tragedy that some parents simply refuse to believe what happened. They are trying to fill the void in their lives with all available means, including by addressing a new pregnancy. Is it good or bad?

It is difficult to answer this question unequivocally even to psychologists. They note that the hasty emergence of a new baby appears only as an attempt to forget about the problem. Parents do not want to have a baby. Moreover, they catastrophically fear repetition of the former tragedy. As a result, mom and dad treat the baby contradictory, making a copy of the deceased brother or sister.

However, this does not mean that motherhood or fatherhood must be abandoned forever. You can know such joy in the following cases:

if several months or years have passed since the moment of the tragedy, and the parents have morally coped with what happened;
if they sincerely want to have another child, knowing what difficulties they will face;
if parents perceive the appearance of a child as a way to atone for old mistakes, and not as an option to replace the deceased child;
if people are morally ready to start a whole new life.

A child is not a pet, with the help of love and caress of which you can forget about the tragedy for a while. This is a separate person, over which tragedies from the past should not prevail. That is why the decision on the next parenthood must be balanced, mutual.

Often, the mom and dad of the deceased child turn to adoption. For them, it becomes a way not only to hear children's laughter again, but also to do a good deed. In this case, psychologists are advised to take the baby from the orphanage, who does not like the dead heir as much as possible. Then it will be easier for the spouses not to associate the new family member with the former child.

When trying to learn how to survive the death of a newborn baby, parents should understand that it will not be possible to completely get rid of the pain. This terrible grief will always remind of itself, but suffering can be reduced. To do this, sometimes it is enough to open your heart to meet the new day, stop reproaching yourself, while maintaining pleasant memories of the heir left.

Marina, Prokopyevsk