How to resist a man-manipulator at home and at work?

Manipulators can be a variety of people: colleagues, boss, father or mother, loved one, new friend, friend.

It is important to know how to resist a manipulator and how to end a relationship with him, since manipulations able to significantly worsen the mental well-being of a person both in the short and in the long term.

Who are manipulators?

Manipulators in psychology are people who systematically have resorted to various types of psychological pressure, including blackmail, to achieve certain goals.

At the same time, using manipulations, blackmail as a means of influencing others can also be used by people who are difficult to attribute to manipulators because they do it too seldom and softly.

Manipulators resort to this extremely often. Some of them practicing emotional blackmail unknowinglybut a rather significant percentage may somehow realize that they are doing something that is not too good.

Also, usually such people use not only manipulations, but also other means of mental influence. They can be considered toxic people, and communication with them is rarely enjoyable.

That man belongs to manipulators, can say the following facts:

He clicks on pain points when he tries to convince you to do something. The manipulator puts pressure on pity (“Here you will leave, and I will be even more sick, and no one will take care of me,” “I am nothing, and I can’t do anything. And you always coped with it perfectly”), uses hidden anxiety, grief of the interlocutor, uses his low self-esteem (“But you are a muddle, even you could not pass the exams properly!
Better do as I say. "). The better the manipulator studied his victim and the closer he got to her, the easier it is for him to influence her. Some manipulators use softer modes of action, while others resort to tough ones, they can openly insult them if they know that this can work.
He resorts to gaslighting. The meaning of this word is usually not familiar to the general reader, but in practice many have come across gaslighting.
This is a form of psychological pressure in which the manipulator seeks to expose the victim to "defective" and its reactions to be wrong, inherent in sick people.
For example, a gas-lighter, having received constructive, substantiated claims from an interlocutor, can begin to convince that he is carrying some kind of nonsense, behaves like a hysterical man, make fun of his reactions or argue that, in general, the reproaches are not at all substantiated and " you demand too much, think about it. "
He can use manipulations that at first look like something innocent enough. For example, is able to apply care, praise as a method of exposure. ("I'm worried about you. Suddenly something will not work out for you? Let's better do it the way I suggested.")

Each manipulator acts in its own way, but, one way or another, they usually cause others discomfort of varying severity.

Many manipulators behave this way, because with their psyche is not all right.

For example, the manipulations of the format “I am bad and worthless, but also very bad for me, so help me be close” may be in the arsenal of people with chronic depression, anxiety disorder.

When a person win your mental illness, the manipulativeness in his behavior will also disappear or decrease significantly.

However, not all people using manipulations can be “redone” with the help of persuasion, trips to a psychologist, a psychotherapist.

And it is important to understand that a person who has fallen into the bonds of a manipulator is not obliged to take care of him, to find a special approach to him. Maybe, but not obliged.

How to behave with such a man?

Peculiar to men rougher, aggressive manipulative methodswhereas women more often use soft, careful manipulations that are not always possible to recognize.

How to replay the manipulator? If you understand that the man in your environment is a manipulator, it is important:

Be alert. Always remember that a man standing in front of you can start to put pressure on you to get what you want. Track his attempts to influence and listen to yourself. If there is no close connection with him and you can safely withdraw from him, this should be done, since further communication will be extremely difficult and unpleasant.
Use countermanipulation. The scheme of simple counter-manipulation is simple: pretend that you do not understand that you are being manipulated, then start a counterattack, and at the end say something unexpected to demonstrate to the manipulator that you are one step ahead. In this case, you can respond to him differently, depending on the situation, the main thing is to make it clear that he will not be able to use you and that you are in control of what is happening.
Usually, over time, the manipulator will stop trying to put pressure on you.

How to protect yourself from a manipulator? How to talk to him? Basics of communication with the manipulator, counter-manipulation techniques:

answer short, curt sentences;
resort to vague, indefinite statements;
use template phrases, stereotypical wording;
kidding, teasing, if possible;
smile more often, create a feeling that you do not take the manipulator and his words seriously;
at the same time keep yourself in hand, be polite, in any case do not try to offend him, directly humiliate him, hit him;
make fun of yourself;
Do not try to justify and apologize for refusal: it will give the manipulator a feeling that he can put pressure on you.

To beat the narcissus manipulator, you can use the following techniques:

Depreciation. In order to make the manipulator go away, to feel negative emotions, to lower his self-esteem, he should somehow belittle his opinion, express criticism of his proposals, actions, mockingly laugh at something that is important to him.
Ignore. It is also used to underestimate the manipulator's self-esteem, to make one feel bad. But it will only work if the manipulating person is really able to perceive ignoring painfully for some reason. It works well in the case of manipulators from the inner circle, who have positive feelings for the victim. Do not answer the phone calls of a man, try not to notice his presence, be calm.
Impulse With this technique you can force the manipulator to do something useful for the recipient of the manipulations. It is important to offer him solutions that in one way or another are beneficial to you, use different motivational incentives (for example, encouragement), have easy and friendly conversation, but at the same time make it clear that you will definitely not do anything for him.

How to repel the manipulator?

Manipulators quickly lose interest in people who do not respond to their manipulative effects.

It is important throughout the entire period of communication with the manipulating person. stand one's groundto achieve its extinction.

How to live with a husband who manipulates you?

A considerable percentage of women regularly find that involved in a frankly toxic relationshipin which partners seek to hurt them, make them obey.

In such relationships, various types of violence are common, including manipulation, sometimes in extremely cruel forms.

Why it happens? “Oh, they probably want it themselves, since they have not stopped it all before,” many will say with confidence. But generally in a toxic relationship everything is quite difficult.

There are a number of features that lead to the fact that a woman finds herself in a toxic relationship and cannot get out of them:

At the beginning of a relationship a toxic man behaves exactly the same way as other beloved men behave: he tries to take care, gives gifts, seeks to please. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to recognize its toxicity quickly, especially if a woman is sincerely in love with him: when they are in love, they all look at their elect through glasses of rose-colored glasses.
Toxicity is uneven: periods when a man manipulates, mocks, resorts to violence, alternates with periods of calm, during which he asks for forgiveness, showered with gifts, gives attention. As a result, a woman forms a psychological dependence, she can calm down, postpone plans related to leaving the family.
Also a lot rests on the conditions: not every woman has the ability to quickly quit her husband and leave, especially if he is afraid or lacks support in the form of sufficient income, a roof over his head.

How to fight? Male manipulators do not always resort to other forms of violence, but relationships with them are usually built according to the above scenario.

Coexistence with a manipulator is an extremely difficult affair, and a woman faced with regular hard manipulations should think about divorce.

How to put it in place? If she wants to continue the relationship and believes that she is able to tolerate manipulation and will be able to find a certain approach to her husband, it is important for her:

Always be aware of who she is dealing with. Remember: Your husband is a tyrant-manipulator, so you need to be alert.
Do not forget about self-esteem. Do not be humiliated in front of your husband, try not to react if he puts pressure on your pain points, and always remember that you are not at all such a bad person that your husband may try to expose you to.
Be polite, discreet. If you show bright emotions in communication with the manipulator, he will feel like a master of the situation. In addition, if you are really sure that you want to find an approach to it, aggression, hysteria and tears will hardly help you.

To talk with him about the problem, to offer constructive solutions. During the dialogue, again, try to keep calm. Tell your husband about what exactly does not suit you in his behavior and attitude, while talking about your feelings, and do not blame him. For example, say something like "When you behave like this, I am very upset," but do not say "You are behaving disgustingly with me." If he is not trying to put pressure on you in the process of dialogue and is ready to solve problems, invite him to visit a psychologist. Be prepared for the fact that the dialogue may not lead to anything good and that it will need to be repeated.

Also important use countermanipulations to counter, if the situation allows you to do this, and do not hesitate to say no.

What if the male manipulator stopped communicating? Manipulating men can resort to ignoring, silence in order to put pressure on their women and other close people.

Such silence is designed to provoke convenient reactions in them, make do what you wantespecially when the victim has already begun to resist.

In such situations, the most important thing is not to play up, not to show the man that his reception may work. Keep calm, behave as usual.

If no funds help, it’s important overpower yourself and file for divorce.

How to punish him?

It is hardly worth punishing. It rarely can bring real benefits, except will allow to throw out the accumulated negative (but it is better to throw it out in other ways).

The best way to punish a manipulating person is actively apply countermanipulation and make it clear that you are not interested in finding him near.

If the manipulator is a close person, you can try using his own methods. For example, ignoring. Do not answer his calls, do not interact with him if he appeared nearby, and so on.

How to part with such a man?

How to get rid of men manipulator? Tips for women who want to part with the manipulator:

Tell him that you are terminating the relationship and that he has nothing more to count on.. Be polite, talk essentially, hold back emotions.
Do everything you can to avoid manipulation.. The abandoned male manipulator can use psychological pressure to make you change your mind. But you should stand your ground and remain calm: you have already made your choice, and it needs to accept it. Whatever he does, stay on your own. At the same time, make sure that the dialogue does not delay too much.

After that, it is most reasonable to resort to ignoring. It will also be useful to find a new partner: it will repel the manipulator.

How to resist female manipulation?

As mentioned earlier, women tend to apply more gentle manipulative techniques, not associated with aggression, direct insults.

Usually they tend to put pressure on pity, use their own tears as a means of persuasion, resort to indirect effects (for example, the use of pseudo-care).

In addition, manipulative women love to be “offended”: they use their pseudo-obsid as a means cause discomfort, remorse, shame to the victim.

How not to fool yourself? Recognizing such manipulations is not always easy, but if it succeeds, it is important for the addressee to use the protection methods described above:

keep calm, regardless of what a woman does, and stand firm;
in no case do not resort to any kind of violence;
use countermanipulations;
say no;
if she chose silence and disregard, do not try to interrupt it and behave at ease;
respect yourself;
If constructive communication seems to be a possible option, discuss the situation with the woman, report your discomfort, give advice, suggest options that will allow to correct the situation.

If the various means of exposure did not work, should move away from it.

Counter-manipulation at work

Manipulations from colleagues - common phenomenon.

Usually, they resort to them in order to throw their affairs on the one who comes to hand.

How not to give in to manipulation? Ways to deal with fellow manipulators:

Use countermanipulation. In the fight against lazy, all means are good. Ignore, joke, poke and do not give a colleague any opportunity to understand that you can be useful to him.
Agree with colleagues. It is possible that the manipulator is not only enough for you, but for someone else. If you work cohesively in the fight against the psychological pressure of a manipulating person, you can win and force him to practically stop the encroachment. Before the advent of a new convenient sacrifice, of course.

Also remember that sometimes the art of playing on the side of a manipulating colleague can be useful. If you see that you can benefit from what is happening, take advantage of this opportunity.

The hardest thing to do people who first appeared in the teamin which there is one or several manipulators. At first, you need to be especially alert and do everything possible to demonstrate strength and stamina.

First impression - the most important. If local manipulators quickly realize that they will receive nothing from you, in the future you will be able to work in comfort.

How to communicate with manipulators? Find out from the video: