Parents raising an accommodating and kind child, often not ready for changethat occur with teens.
The crisis of transitional age, hormonal adjustment and acute desire to get rid of parental care, prove your independence.
All this leads to the fact that baby goes out of control and constantly takes adults to conflicts.
Psychology and the causes of quarrels
Why not get along with parents and teenagers?
Changes that occur in the behavior of a teenager from 10 years, due physiologically.
This is a complete restructuring of the body (including the nervous system) from which it follows:
- Personal instability (mood swings, impulsivity and hypersensitivity to words).
- Dependence on the opinions of others people (especially from the opinions of those people who are authority for a teenager).
- Contradictory (upbringing and the inherent self-doubt of all adolescents conflict with the desire to prove their strength, the right to privacy, “adult” behavior and social status).
- Interest in everything "forbidden" (especially if a teen is abetted by reputable groups).
- Touchiness.
Parents evaluate the child's actions from the position of “adult-adult” or “adult-child”. But this is fundamentally wrong and leads to family conflicts.
After all, a teenager has already gone out of childhood and pretends that perceived on an equal footing, considered with opinion. But he cannot behave judiciously, prudently and logically because of emotional instability and lack of experience.
Who is guilty?
Both sides are to blame for the bad relationship between parents and teenage children.
Yes, sometimes teenagers are literally provoke parents to another quarrel, asking for a beating, violating all bans.
But the transitional age proceeds quite smoothly if the parents go forward and enter into the position of their maturing child. After all, he simply can not behave differently.
But adults can adjust your behavioral strategy and not try to demand the impossible from a child, not to infringe on his freedom (within reasonable limits) and give the opportunity to go through the natural stage of maturation in the way nature intended.
After all, the parent is not a warden or an evil commander. This is a guide to adulthood, which will help overcome difficulties and give good advice if necessary.
What to do if a teenager is constantly upset by bad behavior?
First of all, you need to understand that a teenager is not just “showing character”. This is a way to protest. And the task of parents - find out what the child is protesting.
Learn to talk
Whatever topic a child brings up is important avoid conviction.
At this age, the guys are interested in new and unlawful (intimate life, alcohol, cigarettes, prohibited substances).
If your child picked up one of the topics that scares you, do not make a scandal. This will lead to the fact that the teenager lose confidence in you and translate their ideas into reality, but behind the back of the parents.
Therefore, it is important to perceive the words of the child adequately. The best defense tactic - This is to tell the teenager about the dangers of alcohol and unprotected sex. Support him by telling that as a teenager you were also interested in such topics and understand his feelings.
It is also not necessary to turn each conversation into an attempt to bring the child to the clear water. Be a friend and companion.
Discuss everyday topics, movies and news, computer games and upcoming events. Only in this way can you earn the trust of a teenager. He will reckon with your opinion, and trust your secrets.
Listen
Teens tend to share new knowledge, impressions, news, and even gossip.
From scrappy phrases and random comments, you can get an idea of what's going on in your child's head.
Listening carefully and participating in the dialogue, you can prevent a real disaster. From the mood of the teenager and his favorite topics, you can understand that he:
- fell in love (starts talking about relationships, wonders how parents met and kissed for the first time, etc.);
- got into bad company (conversations become radical, the child shows hostility towards something or someone, defends a position in opposition to the whole world);
- is depressed (philosophizes and reflects on rather heavy and even “mourning” topics);
- etc.
Apologize
Teens zealously guard their personal borders. And if parents violated these boundaries, you should apologize. In this matter, it is necessary to behave from the position of "adult-adult."
After all, before you is no longer a kid who unquestioningly obeys the orders of his parents, he has no idea how you can have secrets from mommy and freely run around the house naked. Before you now a person who is eligible for private.
We are talking only about those situations in which there is no threat to the life and health of the child.
If a teenager does not want to tell who he is in love with - this is normal and his decision must be respected.
But if the child hides drugs in the room, parents must intervene.
Do not criticize if it is not necessary.
Adolescence is closely associated with self-doubt and an attempt to gain a place in various social groups.
Criticism of a teenager will not help him break ties with a bad company, dress more restrained, and refuse makeup.
But the child will move away from you, and will become more aggressively proving to everyone around what he is an adult and significant.
Find a compromise
To build a harmonious relationship with a teenager, it is important to look at the world through his eyes.
Irritating to child behavior? Do not be sorry for yourself and get angry because you have to endure it.
Better try to understand why your heir does this. What caused to abandon those or other responsibilities? What caused the outburst of anger?
Change the approach based on their observations.
How to explain that he is wrong, without shouting and punishment?
With a teenager it is possible to agreeif you have a conversation on equal terms.
No need to order or threaten punishment, use the imperative tone. This will trigger a reaction. Try changing the wording.
Wrong: “Quickly go to wash the dishes!”.
Right: “Please wash the dishes when you are free. You are old enough to help us with household chores. If you do not want to wash the dishes, you can take on another part of the duties. ”
Wrong: “To come home no later than 9 years!”
Right: “It gets dark early in the street, so we experience it. We respect your privacy, but pick up the phone whenever we call you. ”
Wrong: “I don’t want to hear that you communicate with this company of juvenile gangsters!”
Right: “These guys are probably very funny and interesting, but they are mixed up in unpleasant stories.
Communicating with them, you are undermining your authority among teachers, and you also risk falling into trouble as a witness. Maybe you should stop communicating with them. I would be calmer. "
Try to use the wording of the claim, which will look like a friendly advice. And be sure to explain the motives of their requests. Otherwise, any request will be an order.
Psychology tips
How to improve relations with a teenage daughter?
Do not forbid your daughter to explore the world. In adolescence, self-esteem is formed, which will be basis for feminine confidence. Therefore you should not blame her for her interest in boys.
Better help with advice and friendly warning if your daughter met her first love. Girls should not be prohibited from expressing themselves through appearance (hairstyle, style of clothes, jewelry, etc.).
How to improve relations with a teenage son?
Accept the fact that your little son has matured and become a young man.
He has the right to make an independent choice and be responsible for this choice. Parental control should be minimal and strictly necessary.
In no case do not put pressure on the child’s self-esteemtrying to manipulate, order and force. So you beat the most painful point and tune your son against yourself. Try to build partnerships, but behave as a senior and wiser comrade.
How to communicate with the child if he is closed and does not go to the contact?
If the child does not make contact, it is useless to quarrel and swear at him because of this. It is not worth ingratiatingly and carefully approaching with attempts find out what's going on in a teenager's soul. All this does not help.
Try to get started establish everyday and everyday communication. Talk, show sincere interest and ardently discuss the news. Organize joint leisure, focusing on the interests of the child.
But do not meddle where you have not been invited. This sin many parents.
Adults meet in conversations children and their friends are trying to find out from the companions of a son or daughter the causes of a child’s bad mood.
Parents read diaries and rummage in the things of their younger heirs. In short, the child is pushed into a corner like a hunted animal.
Try with a child don't speak out explicit condemnation of something or someone (especially if it is related to the interests of the child).
Better prove yourself as a wise person who can analyze different points of view, even if you are just discussing modern music.
So a teenager recognizes a progressive person in you, and will not be afraid to voice their thoughts.
Well, if the child does not make contact at all, refer to the subject literature, talk with experienced mothers or teachers. They will prompt how to behave in a particular case.
A detailed study of the peculiarities of the transitional age will help not only the child, but also the parents, who will understand what is happening and will be able to predict the behavior of his child.
No matter how difficult adolescence may seem to you, it is important to remember that this is a temporary phenomenon. Over time, your child will become calmer, more sensible, wiser and more experienced.
And thanks to your understanding and participation the teenager will become full and harmonious personalitynot suffering from psychological trauma, low self-esteem or panic fear of adult life.
How not to lose a relationship with a teenager? Psychologist tips:
