Interview. Vacancy one, applicants - two. The first is a middle-aged man in a perfectly ironed suit with a flawless resume. The second is a young guy in jeans and a shirt, but with charisma and ambition. Who will be? Someone who knows how to properly talk. Paradoxically, applicants are equal in their position. One has experience behind him, the other is ready to give all the best. Wins the one who is familiar with the psychological tricks. But how to use them?
Mirroring
This technique helps to inspire confidence, to adjust for convergence. Mirroring can be of three types:
- physical - repetition of gestures, movements, facial expressions;
- acoustic - A reflection of the volume of voice, rate of speech;
- verbal - borrowing words, stylistics, emotional message.
Sometimes mirroring appears only partially. For example, a guy on a date turns the keychain, and the girl bends the cocktail tube. At first glance, the couple makes different movements. However, each uses the fingers of one hand, which is also considered a sign of reflection.
Mirroring a person does not mean copying him in everything. If you try to instantly repeat all the movements behind the interlocutor, it will look ridiculous or like mockery. Such actions can lead to conflict, offend. After seeing gestures or hearing interesting expressions, it is better to wait a few seconds or minutes, and then smoothly reflect them. So the trick will go unnoticed, but it will work on a subconscious level.
Why does this work?
Without noticing it, the person begins to understand the similarity of the interlocutor with himself. He feels that he is understood and accepted. It flatters, causes confidence.
In the same way, you can check the level of closeness and involvement in the conversation. If a friend unknowingly tries to adapt to the style of speech, use the same words, repeat poses, then he is genuinely interested in speaking.
Often remember the name
The name of a person for himself is a display of his individual qualities, characteristics, and merits. It is part of the inner self. Therefore, people like to hear their names.
Why does this not apply to last names?
The mention of the name makes the dialogue more formal, dry. The surname is the name of the clan, not of the individual. Using it, the interlocutor refers to the person as part of a family, ignoring his individuality. Conversation without the use of a name is also subconsciously insulting, expresses alienation.
The importance of the name is clear. But what to do if it suddenly flew out of my head, and to make an impression is extremely important? Options out of an awkward situation:
- stretch your phone to the person and ask him to enter the number in the contact list;
- call another friend and ask to introduce yourself (a “nameless” person will be forced to do the same in return);
- leave your e-mail address and ask to send a letter to it (the sender's name can be in the address itself or can be automatically entered at the end of the letter);
- exchange business cards;
- ask if you have an account on social networks or instant messengers;
- inquire about the origin of the name.
Allow the other person to talk about themselves
What do eating delicious foods, sex and telling about yourself have in common? During all these processes, the same pleasure centers are activated in the brain. That is why silence in conversation is communicative gold. More appreciated is the one who knows how to listen. And this is a scientific fact.
However, the complete silence of one of the participants of communication is also not welcome. But it is better to break it correctly. How? For example, allow your opponent to build self-praise.
“Are you a programmer? Hard work. Probably, you need to be very attentive and quick-witted in order to work in such a sphere. ”
There is a high probability that a person after such words will praise himself, confirming the last words. Eventually:
- interlocutor was pleased to mention their positive qualities;
- the phrase did not look like blatant flattery that could offend;
- the new acquaintance liked that someone unobtrusively noticed his merits.
In sum, you get the trust and desire to continue the conversation. And all because there is the ability to listen and allow the other person to talk about themselves.
Praise from 3rd person
Another trick to compliment without flattering cloying. Not everyone likes open courtesies, as they make you feel discomfort. Therefore, praise "from the 3rd side."
“Nadezhda Anatolyevna, daughter in confidence said that your pies are the most delicious. Will you share the recipe? ”.
“Maxim, the head of the department considers your projects the best. He will show them to the director. ”
“Igor Nikolayevich, the neighbors are so grateful to you for the repair of the playground. Everyone says you have golden hands. ”
Repeat the end of phrases
- This documentary about the scientist turned out to be the best in 10 years!
- The best in 10 years? Why is he so distinguished?
- The main role was played by an amazingly talented actor. And the tape was filmed in the main cinema of the city!
- In the main cinema of the city - just think about it!
However, this method is better not to abuse. Otherwise, the narrator will think that the second participant in the conversation is joking at him or thinking for too long. It is best to repeat fragments of phrases in moments of vivid emotions and no more than twice a minute.
Tell a secret
To get close to the person of interest, you can share something personal. However, the boss is unlikely to want to hear about the dishonestly won tender, and the girl she likes is about the dirty details of the former relationship. Therefore, the information for the exchange is better to choose carefully. For an unfamiliar person, it is better to voice facts of a neutral nature, rather than a detailed compromising evidence.
“You know, Julia, and after all a similar awkward situation happened to me too. That was 5 years ago ... ”
"You just do not tell anyone, Dima, but I still love to watch cartoons."
“Pavel Grigoryevich, I’m ashamed to admit, but for five years now I can’t stop smoking, although I’m telling everyone that I’ve started a long time ago.”
It doesn't matter how big or small the mystery will be. This may be a completely trivial secret. The main thing is to convince the interlocutor that in a second something will be revealed that is not intended for everyone. Such a move will make anyone feel special.
Ask for advice
Nothing is more flattering than asking for help or advice. This step requires caution. The girl on the first date will not be happy if she is asked to help with the transport of things when moving. A new colleague will go into a deep shock if they ask him on the first working day: “Could you work out the night shift instead of me?”.
It is better to stop at small requests - utter trivia. For example, ask for:
- teach how to use the coffee machine in the office;
- show where the office is located;
- advise a dish in a cafe;
- submit an object that is far from the one who asks;
- pick up a costume for a party (show photos of clothes).
However, the borders have everything. The main thing is to stop in time, not to tire with intrusiveness. A couple of minor questions or requests will be enough to make the respondent feel important.
Make a mistake
But do not fail everything. We are talking only about small mistakes made by chance. Say a word with the wrong stress, go into the wrong office, mix up a hot faucet with a cold one and the like. Why do you need it?
Make a small error, but at the same time adequately and even gratefully accept criticism, correction is a plus, because:
- “the mask of the ideal” breaks down: if it is mistaken, it means a simple person, his own;
- the interviewee gets the opportunity to act as a “teacher”, which flatters him;
- The “tutor” relaxes, lets her closer to him and allows himself to make mistakes.
After such a situation becomes more relaxed. It is easier to establish contact, to create trust, to join the company.
Knowing how to properly speak and make an impression can achieve a lot. Such knowledge will help to move up the career ladder, get acquainted with the person you like and even get a discount in the market. Speech and psychology are amazing gifts that, in symbiosis, become a powerful tool for achieving their goals. That is why it is so important to use them correctly.
