Most people have heard that men have a midlife crisis, but not everyone knows how to safely survive this difficult period.
What it is?
What does a midlife crisis mean for men?
Middle age crisis - it is an emotional state, it differs by its duration, depressive manifestations, overestimation of values, attempts to prove its viability.
The severity of its course depends on a variety of reasons. Some representatives of the stronger sex pass this period imperceptibly, others abruptly change their lives.
Sometimes reactions or deeds are completely atypical for a particular person, cause confusion among others and provoke conflict situations.
A man suddenly begins to remember lost opportunities, mistakes, his ceases to arrange its current state. There is irritability, the desire to change your life. It is during this period that families often collapse when he begins to look for connections on the side.
The man believes that he is still full of strength and is fully capable of competing with the younger ones. What has been achieved does not seem so desirable and necessary.
In times of crisis, men are often dramatically change their lives. However, it also happens that he goes into a deep depression, hard drinking, protected from contact with friends.
Despite the popularization of psychology, some men are not aware of what is really happening to them, so do not try to look for ways to get out of a negative state.
When does it start?
The crisis in men comes after about 35 years.
For some, the age is 40 years and older.
Depends on the general psychological state, status, support of loved ones, exposure to stress. Lasts up to about 55 years.
The first harbingers of the crisis may appear in 30 years, and in some men it is already in full swing. There is a tendency for more of his early onset in recent years.
This is probably due to increased levels of stress, a large flow of information, unstable financial condition. At this age, a person is already aware of his place in life, achievements, and is able to assess missed opportunities and personal mistakes.
In addition to the psyche of the man himself, the man is under pressure and society, assessing him in terms of what he has achieved.
If his peers are far ahead in their careers, family building, self-development, it can negatively affect self-esteem, especially if a man dependent on the opinions of others people.
The lack of inner harmony and self-sufficiency aggravates the course of the crisis, becomes the cause of earlier manifestations and a protracted course.
Why does it arise?
Main reasons:
- lack of career achievements, low professionalism. A man realizes that he has not achieved much, and half of his life has already been lived;
- deterioration in health, loss of strength, attractiveness, problems in intimate life, reducing the desire to have sex;
- understanding of the number of years lived, expectation of old age and changes in the body that will follow;
- loss of a loved one and inability to cope with grief. The older the person, the greater the likelihood of losing loved ones. Loneliness often provokes depression, a feeling of being useless;
- absence of children - Most people want to continue the race, and if a man does not succeed in conceiving a child, this can affect his self-esteem.
Even if he says that he doesn’t particularly need children, in his heart he can still dream of a child as proof of his viability.
Some men give birth to children already at a mature age, as if telling society and themselves that he is a full-fledged and active person;
- increased self-criticism - a man evaluates his past and future actions from the negative side, looking for mistakes and shortcomings;
- self-doubt. He wants to do the deed, change the place of work, to achieve a woman, but low self-esteem, indecision prevent it from doing so;
- hormonal disbalance - restructuring occurs not only in the body of women, but also men. Some authors use the concept of "male menopause."
Additional factors can trigger a crisis.:
- complexes preserved from childhood;
- mistakes in education, which influenced the future life of a man;
- weakness of character.
With the appearance of the first signs, it is necessary to realize them and try to build life in such a way that the difficult period is lived as efficiently and comfortably as possible for the individual.
How does it manifest itself?
Before saying that a man started a midlife crisis, it is advisable to get acquainted with symptoms and signs:
- apathy, lethargy, indifference to their own lives;
- past interests, work is not encouraging;
- abrupt change of occupation;
- alcohol consumption;
- a sharp rejection of all harmful habits;
- discontent with the spouse, children, quarrels with parents;
- the appearance of a mistress or a few younger in age;
- nostalgia for youth;
- change of image, style in clothes;
- sex with his wife ceases to attract;
- self-pity;
- the feeling that life has no meaning, frustration.
At this age, thoughts may arise about the inevitability of death, approaching old age, which causes an increase in stress levels, fears for one’s life and the lives of loved ones.
As a rule, the crisis does not start only because of one problem. To push for its development can be a combination of situations and internal changes. The smaller man reached in the previous period, the more severe the crisis can be.
Effects
The consequences can be of different directions: favorable, unfavorable.
- Favorable. Revaluation of relations with his wife for the better. Self development. Change of work to a more successful and desirable. Setting more realistic goals. Return to normal life with a positive outlook on the world.
- Unfavorable. Divorce from his wife. Depression. Alcoholism. Mistress or more. Attempt to return to the abandoned wife, but, most likely, there they no longer wait for him. Loss of work, financial well-being.
How to overcome?
What to do? To begin with, it should be understood that not all advice is acceptable to a specific man, each case is individual. If crisis acquired a severe formA counseling psychologist or psychotherapist is recommended.
- Even if you think you have not achieved anything, really look at your life. Successes have each person.
- Stop comparing yourself to others.. You are a person, unique and interesting.
- Your relatives are not to blame for your bad mood, so try not to fall for them.
- Get close with your childrentake an interest in their successes, hobbies.
- Find a hobby. Hobbies help to cope with a bad mood, to realize their capabilities, dreams.
- If a depressed mood appears, treat himdo not give yourself the opportunity to dive into the negative.
- I want to change jobs - you have the right to. Realize your dreams, there is still time to do what you dreamed.
- Remember close people - they are your support in difficult times. Changing a spouse for a younger woman, you can gain, and you can lose much more - a loved one with whom you have lived for many years.
- Try to make thoughtful decisions.Acts made in the heat of the moment can lead to frustration.
It is not necessary to limit social contacts during this period, on the contrary, the example of other men will help to see the problem from the side and cope with it more safely.
How to help your man survive the crisis?
A man is difficult to cope without the support of loved ones, so his wife has to make efforts to smooth out the severity and consequences of the male crisis.
- Stay interesting for him. Often, a woman starts her appearance, ceases to take care of herself, and the man begins to pay attention to younger and well-groomed ones.
- Smooth out conflicts, do not provoke or develop quarrels, try to avoid them.
- Praise a man, inspire him, encourage achievement.
- Be interesting for him in the intimate plan, try to wake the passion in him so that he does not have any desires to seek love on the side.
- Forget about criticism. Men's self-esteem is very unstable, especially in a crisis period.
- Support spouse, even if his thoughts and ideas seem absurd.
- Do not tell him about the crisisdo not remind of age.
- Learn to listen to him., let him talk, be interested in the affairs.
- Be successful yourself, self-sufficient, instill confidence in a man, but do not exaggerate your success so much that they influence his self-esteem.
- Learn to calm. You will need a lot of patience in this difficult period for the family.
Recommendations to women
It is difficult in a crisis period not only to the man, but also to the wife next to him.
A woman can get bored his whims, depression, alcoholism, treason, and she decided to break off relations with him.
If you want to save marriagewill have to become wise, learn to calmly respond to the constantly changing mood of her husband.
Do not live only his interests. If a man understands that he is the center of everything for his wife, then she becomes less attractive for him - she doesn’t need to be conquered anymore, she is not going anywhere. Being self-sufficient is important for your own development and self-esteem.
Learn to support your husband in difficult times. When he fails, do not criticize, do not humiliate, so you lose his love and trust.
In a harmonious family, the crisis passes, as a rule, more smoothly, since the man understands that he has support. A wise woman can not only keep her spouse, but also have a beneficial effect on her development, formation and creativity.
If a crisis has come to you, you should not immediately despair, this is a natural stage in the development of a person’s personality. Correct some moments of your life, try to see around as much positive and perspectives as possible.
About the midlife crisis in this video:
