In this article I will talk about how to set promises and how to achieve their fulfillment.
In my life, I constantly use the power of promises given to me. This helps me to work, despite being lazy, to go in for sports, despite the resistance of my body, not to postpone my business until later and realize my plans.
It is impossible to completely get rid of laziness and resistance. Laziness is almost a primitive instinct that will always be with us. You must learn to be stronger than her! The power of promises helps me in this.
Many places have written about how important it is to set goals. But I prefer to use the phrase “promise” rather than “goal”, because I think that it is easier to keep the promise than to follow the goal.
How it works?
Let's give an example.
If I think: “tonight, I, perhaps, will make a run,” by the evening my desire to run can run out. In the morning I am full of energy, but towards the end of the day everything can change. And when this time comes, I can judge like this: "I am tired, I want to lie in bed, so I will not go anywhere."
But if I say to myself: “today I will run for exactly an hour, I promise it to myself and will not back down from my promise,” then the fulfillment of the set task becomes practically a matter of honor for me. I strive to fulfill my promises at all costs. Of course, if suddenly it starts to rain heavily on the street, then I will not go running today, but instead run for a run tomorrow.
Promises make it possible to eliminate all possible excuses that I may have.
At first, I often broke promises made to myself, but then I got used to fulfill them. Then I will tell you what to do to form such a habit.
Replace "must" with "I promise!"
If you need to do something, (do the dishes, find the necessary information on the Internet, do the work) give yourself a promise to do it
Think carefully about your intentions, do not tell yourself: “tomorrow I will try to smoke less” or, worse, “I have to smoke less”, but give yourself a clear statement: “Tomorrow I’ll EXACTLY smoke no more than 5 cigarettes. I give my word! "
There is nothing worse than this meaningless "must"! It does not induce you to action, but speaks simply about some ideal event in an abstract future.
Every time such thoughts, starting with "must", creep into your head, immediately change them to promises!
Turn any intention into a promise. Clearly say mentally: "I promise not to eat sweets after dinner!", "I promise to call my father today," "I promise to work today for at least 4 hours", "I promise to get up early tomorrow," "I promise to do jogging at least once a week "," I promise to go to the doctor ", etc.
When I taught myself to say “I promise” instead of “may” or “need”, the strength of my self-discipline has increased dramatically.
I redid many things at once that I had to postpone for a long time indefinitely. It became easier for me to control my weaknesses. I became more involved in sports and self-development and less sit in front of the computer. I started to do more work.
Find any occasion to make yourself a promise.
Daily invent tests on their strengths. This will strengthen your willpower, make you more responsible and obligatory.
Thought you spend too much money? Promise yourself next month to spend no more than a certain amount!
We looked at ourselves in the mirror and decided that we had gained extra weight? Promise yourself to go to the gym at least 2 times a week and eat fast food no more than once a month.
Do not promise yourself the impossible. No need to try to do something that you can not afford. If you have habits that you cannot give up completely, at least limit them. For example, if you understand that you spend a lot of time on social networks, promise yourself to go on facebook no more than twice a day.
Clearly state the tasks that you set for yourself
Promises should be as specific as possible. You must clearly speak the deadlines and conditions of implementation. When the two firms enter into a contract, they prescribe in the document all possible contract terms so that neither party can violate the requirements of the business. You can’t just say to your business partner: "bring me the details within a month."
It is necessary to describe the number of parts, delivery time, product names, carrier, etc.
Imagine that you are contracting with yourself. All that is required of you is just terms and several conditions.
Set yourself specific goals by writing all the conditions in a “contract”. For example, you try to eat less sweet, because it is harmful and causes problems with excess weight. But how rarely you should eat sweets, you did not think.
You just reasoned that you should do it less often. As a result, on Monday you can eat a piece of cake in the morning and evening, on Tuesday to devour three chocolates.
In this case, no rule regulates how much specifically you should eat sweets. Therefore, you risk not to get rid of problems with excess weight.
Therefore, formulate a promise as specific as possible: no more than one sweetness per day (or two days, or a week). Suppose that you can deviate from the conditions of this promise only on the occasion of a holiday, when they are serving a cake. But, again, you should eat no more than a certain amount. Speak all these conditions in advance. Make a mental contract with yourself. And whatever comes into your head, do not back down from the promise. Protect yourself from all possible excuses. The contract is already in place, all the conditions in it are negotiated, and you cannot violate it.
How to deal with the duality of choice
In any situation of duality, when you choose between two solutions, one of which expresses your will, the desire to develop and diligence, and the other is a reflection of your laziness and procrastination, try to choose the first, without thinking too much.
For example, you started to think: "do I run today or not?" If you start thinking, giving arguments for and against, then there is a high probability that your primitive I will prevail over you. You will always find arguments against not running around and staying at home, watching TV and eating a cake if you think for a long time.
When you start arguing with yourself about whether what the mind tells you to do or what laziness tells you to do, you are already taking the first step towards capitulation to laziness. You kind of say to her "I would run around today, but let's hear from you, my lazy self, may you have any thoughts on this subject."
If you say so to yourself, then you are doomed to defeat. A person is inclined to follow the path of least resistance and he will instinctively strive for the decision that points to this path.
Therefore, in situations of ambivalence, the first question you should ask yourself is: “what to do right?” When I say “right”, I mean “right” with regard to considerations of common sense, happiness, reason, personal development and care for myself and my neighbor.
Do not eat in fast food - right. Lead a healthy lifestyle - right. Helping loved ones is right. Do not worry about trifles - right.
That's what it means "right" without any excuses. I think everyone perfectly knows about this “correctly” and it will not be difficult for him to realize which of the two solutions is more “correct”.
After you determine what is right and what is not, for example, doing a jog today is right (because it’s useful, and you promised yourself to run twice a week) and stay at home and watch TV is wrong, right there give yourself a promise to do what is right.
This will help not to get involved in disputes with your laziness, in which she is likely to win. You will give yourself a clear promise that will respond to common sense, and save yourself from meaningless minutes of fruitless reflection. In my experience, it is very much relieves the brain.
Everyone is familiar with situations where you cannot choose one of the two solutions. "What to do, go at the end of the working week to a noisy party and get drunk or spend the evening at home, in silence, give your head a rest, take some time for your loved ones?"
Reflections on this choice can absorb your brain. You will not come to the right decision if you think about what you want more at the moment. Maybe right now, you want to go to a party.
If we want something, it does not mean that this something is really what we need. No need to be guided only by their "Wishlist" in making decisions.
Tomorrow morning you will be more pleasant to wake up without a hangover, fresh and rested. In this case, you will not regret that you spent your time at home and understand that you made the right choice.
To make your decision easier, just think about what is right, and not what you want at the moment.
Tell yourself: “it’s right to go home, which I’m going to do. And I’ll stop thinking more about it. I made my choice and I’m not going to regret the lost opportunities. Now I can feel some regret, but tomorrow I will know that everything did the right thing. "
At this moment you will be relieved! You no longer need to lead this tedious argument between your mind and your primitive self! You may think of something else. Now your mind is free!
It may seem to you that if you always follow this rule in decision-making, then by that you will put very high demands on yourself. And these requirements you can not meet. After all, it is impossible to always do the right thing, sometimes you need to find compromises. And I totally agree with that.
If you use this rule only in a situation of difficult choice, when you initially choose between the right and the wrong act, then your life will improve, your desires will be fulfilled and this will not require much dedication from you. Let me give you one more example.
For example, you are going to attend a friend's birthday party. And you think how best to do it, go by car and not drink at a party or go there on your own and get drunk. Without hesitation, choose the first option. And promise yourself not to attach to the bottle.
This rule does not force you to make a great, overwhelming for you effort of will. It simply helps to shut up your ears when your primitive self starts talking to you.
You must have seen how little angel and the devil appear in cartoons over the different shoulders of the characters. It is better not to push them, but simply close the ear into which the devil whispers, there is no need to listen to him ...
Do not make promises that you can not fulfill!
To keep your promises fulfilled, do not put too complex tasks in front of you. Remember my motto "start small." If you have never played sports and want to overpower yourself and start doing it, then start with a light charge in the morning. No need to force yourself to perform marathon records.
In this case, you will not be able to keep promises and will blame yourself for it. Set realistic goals.
Do not force yourself. Take time to relax. If you understand that you can not fulfill any promise, facilitate its conditions for yourself.
It is easy for some people to play sports every day, while for others, a 10-minute jog will be a great challenge.
Therefore, choose your goals by force.
Prefer long-term promises to short-term
Formulate promises on a regular basis, create a long-term plan, and not be limited to single promises. Instead of promising yourself to drink no more than once a week only this week, set yourself a plan to drink no more than once a week since this day.
Gradually complicate the terms of the promise: drink no more than once a month or promise yourself not to drink at all.
Mark the fulfillment of promises
Carry a piece of paper or electronic media, where you will record all the data you promise. When do something - put a daw. Personally, I am always pleased to note the completed plans in the electronic diary. When I check, opposite the completed task, I feel a small victory. "Another completed case" - I think.
Do not scold yourself if you can not fulfill promises
You may not be able to do it all at once. No need to reproach yourself for it, give up and think that you are completely weak-willed person. At once I will say that it is hard to fulfill the promises given to you. I learned this by no means immediately.
If it would be possible to assign the level of complexity to all my recommendations, then I would not be able to relate this post to easy posts. But this is not a reason not to try to use these tips to anyone.
You may need some even developed willpower skills to keep promises.
I repeat, start with light promises. No need to sharply go out of your comfort zone.
It is important that promises to do or not do something in the future do not turn into an occasion for you to get carried away with momentary weaknesses in the present.
The meaning of this post is not only to teach you how to perform the tasks. First of all, I want you to learn how to set these tasks for yourself.
To keep you from being non-binding, uncertainties are transferred to honesty and confidence.
The main thing is that you have a habit instead of vague intentions to formulate clear and definite promises, replace "should" with "I promise" or "I will." And then your level of self-discipline will increase!
Wish you luck! Set goals and fulfill them!
