One software company hid a cash prize in a licensing agreement. Only after half a year and after three thousand sales, one meticulous user read to the right place and took the promised money. So the diagnosis of "bore" sometimes brings benefits. But in other cases, with his monotonous speech and endless explanations, a boring person evokes two desires: to flee, and then bypass him on the other side of the street. The article will discuss exactly about them - people with "obsession syndrome".
Who is such a bore
A bore is an annoying person who whines, grumbles, annoys with little niggles, sticks with moral teachings or questions, which literally reduces teeth. It seems that this is an old old man who lived a sad life. But unlike a boring person, bore active. He does not wait until he is amused, but he is constantly looking for a victim, which can make a complaint, convince himself that he is right, reproach. And no matter - it will be a good friend or random interlocutor.
A bore looking for a trick, even where there is none. He is fixated on one thought, can build causal relationships for hours to get to the bottom of it. In any event or action he tries to find the logic. A boring person does not know how to find compromises, therefore he scares others around with his categorical, looping. He loves to shock his erudition, to prove, to convince, but at the same time he does not listen to the opinion of the interlocutor. And all this - the features of his nervous system.
Tediousness is not in itself attributed to mortal sins, but it stands close to pride: awareness of its conclusions, assumptions, conclusions as the only true ones. And no matter where they occur - in family or social life.
Palette of tediousness
Methods for calculating the coefficient of boring is not. Nevertheless, there can be no permanent, accepted for all times, for all nationalities, countries and peoples, the definition of "average" or "full-fledged" tediousness. But there is such a thing as "psychological compatibility." It helps to simplify your life and if you want to build a relationship with a bore.
Conditionally boring people can be divided into several groups:
Steady aggressive bore different stubbornness and egocentricity. Anger, irritability, rejection, rabies - his constant companions. He is “explosive and unrestrained,” achieves his own by any means and thereby builds around himself a deaf fortress. This is better to immediately obey or flee.
Bore melancholic immersed in self-digging, endless reasoning, doubt. He is characterized by high anxiety, suspiciousness, indecision. He subconsciously requires consolation, but does not believe any arguments. The best means in dealing with such a person is subtle humor and patience.
Bore prosecutor skillfully hides his character in the guise of discontent with loved ones: wife, children, parents. Dissatisfaction is expressed in the constant quibbles, the search for "scapegoat". Such behavior, unfortunately, extinguishes romance and sexual attractiveness. If you plan to live with such a person, you will have to learn how to distinguish between personal nagging and global issues.
Bore perfectionist he doesn’t hesitate to use meticulous inquiries, knows by heart instructions and brochures from different instances. He likes to teach and share information, so communication can be quite useful. If you do not want to read the rules for filling out the questionnaire, you can ask the advice of "know-it-all".
Bore cutie always poking his nose in the affairs of others, but he does it with childlike immediacy. Sometimes his naive, but persistent questions put his interlocutor in a stupor, annoy, cause a negative. But the cute bore does not notice anything, so you should treat him as a child.
Bore gossip knows everything and be sure to share his knowledge with others. He recounts the actions and words in detail, describes the gestures and details of the clothes of the person he is talking about. At the same time, it adds its own conclusions and expects the same details from the interlocutor. The best way out is to avoid communicating with such a person. After five minutes, he will go to discuss you.
How to recognize a bore
Tests to determine the tediousness is not too popular. Still, those who want to find out in themselves a little bore. To be honest, in a bad mood or after a hard day, many of us are not very pleasant people. But if you are too often avoided, reproached for obsession, called a boring person, try to answer 15 questions. Perhaps a certain proportion of tediousness is still present.
- In conversation, too often use the word "I think / I do not understand", "I always / I never", "Hate", "Insist"?
- Your jokes make only you laugh, but alien humor seems primitive?
- Are you convinced that only frivolous people are capable of spontaneous actions?
- Until you give your point of view to the end, you can not kill?
- When meeting with a friend to a short dialogue, do you prefer a detailed conversation?
- Are you trying to clarify the obvious things to others?
- Do you always prove your case?
- Do you have several counterarguments for each argument of the interlocutor?
- Do you listen to the interlocutor in the middle, do not let you talk, do not try to understand his thought?
- Do you blame what excites others?
- Do you prefer to speak but not listen?
- Do you care whether the conversation is interesting to the interlocutors?
- Do you prefer to control everything, even fun?
- Are the people around reluctant to accept your help?
- Are you rarely called in a company or ignored at all?
Try to answer these questions truthfully and only to yourself. Even better - answer in front of the mirror and watch the facial expression, posture, gestures. Later, in society, it will be possible to play any role. But be honest with yourself. The more you have positive answers, the higher the likelihood that you are not the most pleasant interlocutor.
There is another way to find out the degree of tediousness: directly ask your friends about it. Ask them to speak, but clarify that you will not be offended. The way is hard but effective. If the answers bother you, then it's time to work on yourself.
How to get rid of the status of "bore"
Attention to trifles, the desire to thoroughly understand the issue of interest, deep knowledge, a calculating mind, of course, excellent qualities. If they become the main person loses communication skills. After all, it is tiresome to talk with a boring, even if an erudite interlocutor. If you notice a similar sin for you and want to change, the advice of psychologists will help you:
- Adhere to the "one-time principle"but do not impose your communication. An obsessive person violates the boundaries of the interlocutor, so at best they begin to avoid him. At worst, they are openly ignored. Learn to offer help or ask for something only once. If you are interesting to people, it will be quite enough.
- Your problems are your problems.. Yes, difficulties can be discussed with friends or relatives, but otherwise keep them to yourself. Learn to cope with their difficulties on their own and do not rush to save others until they ask for it.
- Balance seriousness and recklessness.. Growing up is the normal logic of life. But sometimes we lack the imagination, creativity, spontaneity of the inner child. Listen to your teenager. Perhaps this is a chance to make life a little happier.
- Get rid of the habit of commenting and correcting other people's mistakes. Even if a person incorrectly stresses or utters a foreign word, do not rush to correct it immediately. No one likes it when they teach him, especially with outsiders.
- Do not teach the lives of others. Even if the acquaintance repeatedly strikes the same rake, he puts his forehead. All people have the right to make mistakes and make wrong decisions.
- Control your erudition. It is not always appropriate to scatter historical facts or quote classics. Sometimes it is more appropriate to tell a funny story. In addition, the interlocutor can understand the issue better than you. Yes, and it happens.
- Learn to listen and hear people.. Allow the other party to talk, but do not be distracted by your own thoughts. Try to maintain patience, watch for non-verbal communication: look directly at your counterpart, in case of a hitch nod or make an encouraging gesture to encourage him to speak further.
- Learn to respect the opinions of others. The reluctance to listen to someone else's opinion, the inability to look at the situation through the eyes of the interlocutor reduces the number of friends and breaks families. The more you allow another person to do what he wants, the sooner you learn to control your self-esteem and tediousness.
- Practice art therapy. Through logical reasoning or analysis to find out your own "I" is difficult. But psychotherapeutic practice of art therapy copes with this perfectly. Classes under the supervision of a therapist help to distract from the looped thoughts and fully immerse themselves in the unconscious.
- Learn how to have a relaxed conversation.. You can consider a non-binding conversation meaningless, but it is from it that most of the business and intimate relationships begin. "Small Talk" is the art of communication. To master such will need all your erudition and patience.
Boring is in many ways a bad habit that can be replaced by a useful one. If you find it difficult to look after yourself, ask a friend about it. Come up with a conditional signal, known only to you two. When a friend notices the first glimpses of tediousness on your part, she can tell you about it imperceptibly.
When can tediousness come in handy
The desire to get to the root cause of the problem and bring the result to the ideal, exact following the instructions, meticulousness, thoroughness - all these qualities can annoy others. But they are in demand in many professions where an impatient person will never succeed. Perhaps one of the professions requiring pedantry will suit you:
- Accountant.
- Safety Engineer.
- Controller or instructor norm control.
- Specialist in statistical control.
- Editor.
- Neurosurgeon.
- Software Tester.
- Flaw detector engineer.
Profession according to your temperament will help reduce the degree of pedantry in everyday life. And yet - to build a successful career where others are even afraid to approach. In professions that require attention and clarity, famous perfectionists have realized themselves: American entrepreneur Bill Gates, actors Meryl Streep and Harrison Ford, 33rd US President Harry Truman, Japanese writer Haruki Murakami.
findings:
- A bore is a person who is prone to pessimism, tiring others with his arguments, specific humor and stories that interest him alone.
- Re-bore impossible, but with it you can learn to coexist.
- A simple but effective way to recognize a bore in yourself is to directly ask your friends about it.
- Tediousness annoying in everyday communication, but it helps to be realized in professions that require attention to detail.
