It is not always possible to foresee everything in parenting.
Sometimes, for example, it may turn out that the child is addicted to lies. What to do in this situation?
Psychology and causes
Why do children lie?
In order to overcome childish liesfirst of all it is necessary to understand its causes.
Of course, each case is individual, but psychologists were able to trace common features. Consider the most common causes of lying a child:
- Afraid to disappoint parents. Suppose parents are very seriously monitoring the school performance of a child, constantly reminding him that good grades are a guarantee of his happy future and their pride in him. And the baby gets a bad mark (and who does not happen?). And of course, he decides that it is easier to lie about this situation than not to justify parental expectations.
- Copies parents. Adults themselves often resort to lies. And children simply unconsciously begin to repeat after them - after all, they perceive the model of behavior of parents as authoritative.
The child notices that mom and dad can sometimes lie and decides that if they do that, then it’s acceptable and there’s nothing in it.
- Afraid of being punished. This is especially common in families where parents use a belt or raised tones for educational purposes. As a result, the child is afraid that they will scold him again, or even stop loving him.
- Wants to get attention. In children, and so often there is an increased need for attention. And in some families, this is further aggravated by the fact that the child does not receive it. For example, parents work a lot or a second baby is born in the family. Therefore, a child can begin to invent something - that is, to lie - only to draw attention to himself.
- Wants to get profit. Suppose the parents tell the baby that as soon as he cleans up in his room, he will be able to watch cartoons. And then the child goes to the trick, just to quickly get what you want and hoping that the deception will not reveal.
- Loves to dream. Children have a very well-developed imagination and often they simply cannot distinguish their inventions from reality. In this situation, the child is lying, not because there is some intention behind it, but because he really believes that everything he talks about was in reality.
How to understand that a child is lying?
Recognize a lie in a child much easier than an adult. The fact is that he is not so experienced at hiding the truth.
Adults have already learned various techniques and know how to behave so that the lies are not revealed. But the child still does not know how. Therefore, you can simply watch him and everything will become clear.
First of all, you should pay attention to the following signs that indicate that the baby is hiding something or deceiving you:
- him changing facial expression. Lower lip may shiver or twitch eyes slightly. Still often there is a noticeable tension of the facial muscles;
- he is trying to do carefree look, begins to strained and inappropriate smile in an attempt to hide their excitement;
- him the story is inconsistent and confused, he is often confused and loses the thread;
- he often covers his mouth hand and cough;
- in his intonation is felt uncertainty, he says indistinctly, often mumbles. His speech can either slow down or accelerate suddenly;
- constantly looks away and blinks often. The look can be shifty. But for some children, while lying on the contrary, there is a close gaze - they peer at it in order to understand by your reaction whether you believe their words or not;
- him awkward and restless movements. For example, a baby can pull at clothes, pull off a blouse, rub eyes;
- he becomes "without reason" pale or, on the contrary, suddenly blushes;
- noticeably voltage child, he reacts violently to any of your words.
What do parents of a teenager?
What if a child of 8-10-12 years old lies? As we noted above, each case is individual. And first of all it is necessary to understand the cause of children's lies, and then only take action.
Let's look at examples:
- Is the child afraid of punishment? It is necessary to reconsider the methods of education. Maybe you too often scold him, long and violently express your discontent, humiliate or beat him. The kid is just afraid of you. But if you stop using your dominant position and use physical violence, then after a while your child will stop lying to you.
- Is the child just trying to draw attention to himself? Analyze, can you really give him too little time. Find in your busy schedule time for it, at least a couple of hours during the day. Try to start a joint weekend. As soon as the baby’s need for attention is met, he simply has no reason to resort to lying.
- Does the child copy your behavior? Then you will need to work on yourself. After all, if you can lie, the child does not understand, and why is he not? For more effect, you can hold an educational conversation: admit that sometimes you can cheat, and noticed that the kid does it too. Explain to him what a dangerous lie. In the end, promise each other that you will henceforth speak only the truth. But you will need to really keep this promise (at least when you have a baby), otherwise there will be no sense from this conversation.
Understand that the child is most likely the most unpleasant lie, because he understands that this is bad, and feels at this moment very uncomfortable.
And since he resorts to this method, it means that the problems are really serious.
Treat him with understanding, try to find out the reasons for this behavior and work them out.
If you did not manage to independently deal with children's lies, then it makes sense turn to a psychologist for advice.
He will talk to the child and help you solve this problem.
How to deal with lies?
Psychologists in one voice say that if you are faced with the lies of your child, then you should not scold him and resort to punishment. Better listen to the following tips from psychologists.:
- Do not dramatize. The fact that the kid is lying is not a tragedy, there is no need to grieve and tears in the picture.
In principle, to some extent, lies are the norm. Therefore, it is not necessary to make a tantrum to the child because of every, even a minor, case.
- Do not try to control everything. Give freedom to your baby. If you control his every word and action, then of course it will be easier for you to lie to you in some situations.
- Not exaggerated requirements. Parents often expect the impossible from their children: only excellent grades in school, a stack of letters, achievements in everything. But in this way they only put a huge burden of responsibility on the shoulders of the children, often forcing them to lie just not to upset their mom and dad.
- Talk with your child. Become his best friend, respect his interests, perceive him as a person. Then he will not be afraid to tell you about something. The child must feel that he can share anything and not be condemned on your part.
How to punish the little liar?
All the above methods do not always help to reach the child. Yes, the educational process cannot consist only of rewards, sometimes have to resort to punishment. But you need to be able to do it right.
The most important point - any punishment should be fair. You should not swear on emotions and put the child in the corner. Think first, is it really necessary to punish misdemeanors?
In addition, the child must clearly understand what it is punished for. Otherwise, your actions will not be of any educational value.
So that explain first (do not shout and swear, but calmly and in detail tell what the kid did wrong), and then only punish.
Do not in any way cause physical abuse.
Better put the baby in the corner leave no sweets or watching your favorite gear.
So he will understand that you should not lie, nor will you harm his psyche by your actions.
Some psychologists are inclined to believe that you should not punish the child completely, everything can be solved just talking. In any case, the decision on the methods of the educational process is yours.
How to wean deceive?
In order to wean the child to tell a lie, you should listen to the following tips:
- Build relationships with a child so that he does not fear you and know that you can punish him only in the case.
- Be patient towards your children, do not shout just because you are tired at work.
- Take it easy for him to fail. Explain that you love him despite bad grades and unwillingness to participate in the city Olympiad.
- Talk to your child. You can even directly say that they caught him in a lie and ask him to explain why he did this.
Relationship with the baby must be trusting, so that this problem does not arise at all.
- Do not forget about yourself. If you often cheat, then the child can just copy you - and no educational methods here will help.
- Instill the notion that a lie is bad, you need it from a very young age.. Just give this gameplay, for example, you can tell a fairy tale or parable with such a moral.
Parable of truth and lies for children
Here is an example of a parable, whose moral is that it’s better to tell the truth:
“Three boys went for a walk in the forest. Yes, so carried away by nature, berries and birds, and did not notice how the day went. They understood that they would be scolded at home. What to do?
They stand and think it is better: honestly admit or lie?
First boy says:
- I will say that a wolf attacked me in the forest. Mom and dad will be scared for me, they will be worried and will not be scolded.
The second thought a little and said the following:
- I will say that I met my grandfather and did not notice how the time flew by. Mom and dad will be nice and calm that I spent the day with him and they will not scold me.
The third thought and said:
- I'll tell you the truth. I will be honest and will not have to invent anything. The truth is easier to say.
So they went home.
The first boy came to his parents, told about the wolf. And then suddenly the forest watchman passed by, heard his story and said:
- There are no wolves in our forests.
The boy's parents got angry with him. For the offense they got angry, and for the lie it is still twice as strong.
The second boy told his parents about grandfather, and then he himself came to visit. Parents learned the truth. For the offense they got angry, and for the lie it is still twice as strong.
The third boy came and immediately told everything honestly., as it was.
Parents grumbled at him a little, and forgiven him.
So it turned out that the truth is really easier.
Of course, no parent would like to face the fact that his child is lying. But if this happened, do not immediately scold the baby in the feelings and punish. Understand the reasons for his behavior and think about what you can do about it.
Why do children lie? Find out about this from the video:
