Person - social being. For happiness, he needs to be in close relationships with other people, to feel their support and care.
Forced loneliness has a negative effect on emotional state.
What is loneliness: the definition
Loneliness - This is a socio-psychological phenomenon associated with the lack of close emotional relationships with other people.
In severe cases, it can develop into social isolation, in which the individual is completely divorced, separated from his environment.
The concept is usually considered with positive and from a negative point of view.
In the first case we are talking about the desired solitude, which allows you to gain strength and rest from the hustle and bustle.
In the second case, a depression is implied, in which a person loses energy and feels a sense of depression.
Types and types
There are three main types of loneliness:
- Hopeless. People have no close contacts. They have no emotional connections with relatives, no spouse, sexual partner or just a good friend.
A person is negative towards others. He has a deep sense of dissatisfaction.
- Periodic or temporary. The degree of social activity of the individual is quite high. He is able to enter into communication and build friendships. Feeling melancholy visits him only periodically. A person has a fairly close relationship with friends, relatives and acquaintances. In this case, as a rule, there is no marital relationship or close affection.
- Passive and steady. Lack of close relationships with other people at all levels is sustainable. People do not have enough intimate relationships, emotional attachments, friendship. But unlike the other two types, they put up with their position and in no way externally express dissatisfaction.
The division into types applies:
- Situational. It occurs in a certain life period. For example, in the situation of the death of a spouse or the break of significant romantic relationships.
As soon as the emotional crisis is overcome, and the empty space is taken by another attachment, the negative feeling disappears.
- Chronic. Long-term inability to establish relationships with the opposite sex leads to the fact that a person constantly feels abandoned and useless.
Signs of
The following emotional experiences indicate a problem.:
- feeling of being different from others;
- the absence of a loved one;
- the lack of a number of people with whom you can share the most important experiences and thoughts (even if you have a spouse, relatives, close people);
- the need for intimacy while being in a superficial relationship;
- lack of reciprocity on the part of a significant person.
The reasons
Why am I so lonely? The reasons for which a person experiences such an emotional state are in their own case. But the main aspects of the appearance of the problem in men and women are unchanged.
Why does a person feel this way?
Any individual feels the need for a number of people who are interested in his fate. Bigger circle loving relatives, reliable friends, good acquaintances, all the better.
In this case, the presence of a close person is of key importance. You need to feel that you are the object of someone's love.
But the presence of a spouse or partner does not guarantee that the need for love and understanding is met. Just as a large number of friends does not mean that a person can sincerely share his feelings with one of them.
This is the main problem of modern society. We are all surrounded by a large number of people, but often there is no one among them who could be freely trusted.
Women
Why are there so many single women around?
Currently the issue of female loneliness has acquired particular relevance in our country.
In the past, women sought to get married, have children and go home. They tried to keep the family in spite of everything, often giving up their own interests for the sake of the children.
Currently the weaker sex has gained independence from men. Women themselves earn money, build a career, raise children. Often they have a higher social status than their husbands.
This state of affairs naturally led to the desire to assert their rights, to think more about themselves, to refuse compromises. Most women are alone not because there are no men around.
They are alone, because there is no decent (in their opinion) men nearby. Rejecting its natural essence and having adopted many male traits of character, a woman naturally turns out to be one.
Beautiful girls
“Why am I alone?” Some beautiful ladies ask. And really, why beautiful girls are often alone? It is believed that beauty is the key to success and the opposite sex and guarantee a safe device of privacy.
Often, the surrounding appeal to attractive girls with the question: "Why are you always lonely, are you so beautiful?" The answer lies in the presence of the following problems:
- Inflated claims. The girl is convinced that only a man with certain achievements deserves her. It must necessarily be socially successful, rich, attractive, etc. Constant screening out of "inappropriate" applicants, entering into relationships only with wealthy fans often leads to disappointment.
- The suggestion of uncertainty men. Most men, seeing a beautiful girl, are afraid to approach her and show attention. They are convinced that such a beauty certainly has many fans, and she can not be alone.
- Consumer attitudes of men. The beauty of the girl always causes physical attraction in men. They are not trying to discern the real character, personality of the girl behind the spectacular appearance. As a result, beauties often face the fact that they are perceived as soulless dolls devoid of emotions.
Men
Frequent mistake men - search for a nonexistent ideal. Every modern man wants to find a companion who will be different external attractiveness, to be a good housewife, reliable friend and beautiful lover.
All these stereotypes lead to the formation of too high slats, which eventually does not correspond to any woman.
The problem lies in the women themselves. Among them are many consumers who are looking for a man to solve housing problems or material problems.
The man himself as a person is of no interest. Systematically facing a similar attitude, a man comes to the conclusion - "All women are". As a result, he makes a choice in favor of loneliness.
Often a man is left alone unwillingness to change yourself. He has a certain set of negative character traits that have destroyed all his past relationships. But he categorically does not want to recognize this fact.
Good guys
Nice guys are modest, educated, honest and open young people.
They will never intentionally mislead girls when they talk about non-existent material goods or achievements.
Against the backdrop of decisive and narcissistic bouncers these guys are often lost. Girls "like ears" is a fact. This is the main reason why decent young people always lose to self-confident sassy people.
Psychology of a lonely life
Such a state affects a person destructively, forcing him to constantly think about meaninglessness of its existence. An individual deprived of intimacy with other people cannot fully sense his own personality and realize his need.
Loneliness is not the absence of people around. A typical situation for modern society is “loneliness in a crowd”. Surrounding do not notice the emptiness and apathy, which completely absorbs a person.
He can talk, laugh, listen, but not be involved in his actions. During these communications inside it will still be void with nothing to fill.
As a result, life turns into monotonous existenceconsisting of the same mandatory actions and contacts. The situation can only be changed by the appearance of a loved one, with whom a close emotional connection will be established.
Is it good or bad?
Is it good to be lonely?
Conscious privacy allows you to get a discharge replenish energy and connect with yourself.
Many people systematically need such seclusion, without which their resources are quickly depleted. In this case, we can talk about the exclusively positive nature of loneliness.
If a person suffers because of his position, dreams of changing the situation, then it is a negative form. Similar condition destroys personality, lowers self-esteem, drives depressed.
The most productive option - this is a competent combination of communication with oneself in seclusion with a full life in a society filled with contacts with other people.
Psychological problem
Human life in society is a vast network of various interrelations. Violation of a similar structure of existence is serious psychological problem.
If a person’s need to be included in any social group or to have close interpersonal relations is not satisfied, he begins to experience emotional discomfort.
There is a sense of the absence of something important in life, a loss. Person feels abandoned and unnecessary.
Loneliness is contrary to the basic expectations and hopes of man. For this reason, most people, experiencing a similar condition, begin to look for ways out of it.
Overcoming the problem allows you to recover emotional well-being and continue to enjoy life.
Effects
What causes loneliness? The consequences that a person may face are not only psychological, but also physiological:
- depression;
- loss of meaning of life;
- lower self-esteem;
- change in the perception of relationships (unwillingness to put up with the shortcomings of the chosen one, to adapt to another person);
- the loss of friends and acquaintances who are afraid to "get infected" with a negative mood;
- reducing stress resistance;
- increased risk of cardiovascular disease;
- immunity deterioration.
Benefit
What is useful loneliness? The main benefit of productive loneliness lies in the emergence of opportunities quietly realize your needs and desires. For this reason, people who have experienced a difficult break are often advised to spend some time alone.
They get the opportunity to rethink their lives, analyze mistakes, make decisions.
Only in private with ourselves, we get the opportunity to establish an internal dialogue with our “I” and answer all important questions.
Really free and self-sufficient personality able to get pleasure from solitude and use it productively, without plunging into suffering and without delaying this state unnecessarily.
Loner syndrome
There are people who try all their life stand apart from society.
Alone with them much calmer. They avoid any relationships, relationships, obligations.
All their contacts are worn. superficial character. Minimal involvement guarantees the absence of experiences in case of separation.
Reluctance to get close to other people always testifies to a trauma suffered once. This may be a loss, betrayal, an unrequited feeling, etc.
Fenced off from others, a person seeks to eliminate the likelihood of a recurring traumatic situation.
Conscious desire
Where does the tendency to loneliness come from? Fully conscious desire to live independently without close contacts with other people usually occurs for the following reasons:
- lack of understanding from loved ones;
- desire to understand yourself and your needs;
- fatigue from social and interpersonal contacts;
- the desire to protect from emotional experiences by completely abandoning the relationship;
- lack of nearby people of trust.
Convinced of the impossibility of building those relationships that would cause satisfaction, the person consciously decides to be alone. This gives him a sense of calm and security from any negative experiences.
Diagnostic technique
How does the method of diagnosing the level of subjective feeling of loneliness work? One of the most popular methods for determining the level of loneliness is developed D. Russell and M. Ferguson.
The subject is offered a series of statements. He should carefully read and evaluate each of them from the point of view of the presence of this fact in his life.
You can evaluate the statement with the help of 4 response options: “often”, “sometimes”, “rarely”, “never”. The appropriate option is marked with a sign. Based on the responses received concludes on the psychological state of the subject.
Thus, loneliness, which brings discomfort to a person, is a serious psychological problem. Voluntary solitude has a very positive effect on the psyche.
About the real reasons for being alone in this video:
