Envy is familiar to people of any age and position, and only a very small percentage of them able to cope with it at the proper level or almost no feel.
The main reasons for envy are inadequate (often understated) self-esteem, complexes, dissatisfaction with one’s life, a desire to get something valuable, to be more successful and happy.
General concept
Envy - a negative feeling that arises at the sight of the success and capabilities of another person.
This condition can be very pronounced, painful or mild, insignificant.
The stronger the envy, the harder to handle. People who are very jealous of someone, can try to do meanness, up to committing crimes, to get what they want or to deprive a person of what he has.
Envy is often accompanied by the following emotions:
- anger, anger;
- irritation;
- sadness, sadness (severity can be different, even deep, interfering with the person to live fully);
- offense (for example, in relation to parents, God, if a person is a believer and believes that God could be more favorable to him).
It is important to understand that jealousy is closely connected with a feeling of dissatisfaction with one’s life, and the more a person is not satisfied, the more he will envy those who, in his opinion, are more successful and happy.
If a person happy with life, he will occasionally feel only a very light, “white” envy or will not feel it at all.
People who are jealous can:
- offend those who are envied;
- to criticize them (even in an aggressive form);
- at any opportunity to talk about them in a negative light;
- apply various violence to them (physical, psychological, sexual);
- decide on murder or other serious crime.
At the same time, not all envy people will really show negative emotions. So that the feeling of envy would push them to something serious it must be very strong, unbearable.
Envy, like any negative feeling, is fine.
It is important to accept the existence of this feeling and work with the reasons for its appearance, and not with it: raise self-esteem, often with the help of a qualified psychologist, deal with uncertainty, learn new skills.
Why: answers of psychologists
Where does envy come from? Feeling of envy does not appear without a reason and, as a rule, it is closely connected with how a person perceives the world, himself, his successes, achievements, how he interacts with society, and what opportunities he has.
People are angry and envious
Both nature and human society function according to the principle "The strongest wins".
In nature, strong individuals survive and leave offspring, while weak ones die, eventually each species gradually improves, acquiring the features necessary for better survival.
In a society of people, this principle looks different, softer, but continues to exist successfully, despite the active popularization of the ideas of humanity.
This is not about survival, but about success in general.: a large amount of money, excellent work, useful, interesting hobbies, health, beauty, reliable friends, a loving family.
The more successful you are, the more chances you have to live a happy life and give your descendants the best.
It is these attitudes that society gives to every person, and they largely determine how he will behave. Therefore, we all want to be the best and to have opportunities for own implementation.
Also in the society the position “Everyone can achieve success” is widespread, which is erroneous little more than completely.
The success of each person depends on an incredible number of factors that are not directly dependent on him.: upbringing, training, living conditions, environment, opportunities that existed since birth (for example, one child will get a better education, another - extremely poor or not get it at all; one will have wonderful toys, and rarely will buy clothes to another), health status, age, characteristics of the psyche, the situation in society and even just the case.
As a result, many people have a desire to be the best, or at least good enough, to feel happiness at odds with the possibilities. Here envy appears.
And only depends on the person how he will respond to it: whether it will harm someone or not. And not all people will give up the idea of harm.
It should not be thought that only all people are evil and envious. There are many who hold back, struggle with envy, go to a psychologist.
But we do not know about their feelings, because they do not manifest themselves, do not harm us. But we know those who behave differently. And, if these people cause us enough painwe can decide that everyone is like that. But this is a completely erroneous position.
Everyone envies me
It is unlikely that all people envy you: it is impossible in principle. It is most likely that you, repeatedly encountering manifestations of hatred because of envy, have deduced an erroneous conclusion: everyone envies me.
But there are many people who will be kind to you and will not cause discomfort.
They envy you because you have something that those who are jealous do not have. This may be health, beauty, intelligence, wealth, success, and so on. If these people would be happy with my life they would not envy you.
Also common are situations where people, faced with negative attitude, criticism (even adequate and fairly soft), believe that these are manifestations of envy.
Often this conclusion is made by those who have an excessive self-esteem.
It is important to look at reality objectively: far from everyone who assesses you and your work negatively envy you.
Reasons for the envy of relatives
The main reasons for the envy of relatives:
- Middle age crisis. Every middle-aged man will one day face this particular age crisis. This crisis period is invariably accompanied by depressive moods, inner feelings, acute dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s life, the feeling that old age is not far off, and sometimes the fear of death. It is observed even in fairly successful and satisfied people.
It is during this period that a person can begin to envy the happier, in his opinion, relatives, even his children: after all, they are young, healthy, they have a whole life ahead of them.
When the crisis passes, envy will soften or disappear. However, in some cases the crisis does not go as it should, and then the help of a psychotherapist and a psychologist may be required.
- Total dissatisfaction with life. Even outside crises, people can be dissatisfied with their lives, achievements, work, partner, especially if they are not young. If they have a successful, capable relative with more opportunities, they may begin to be jealous.
- Disease, age. Over time, most people develop various diseases that poison their lives, and during periods of exacerbation of another chronic disease, they may well envy more healthy and younger relatives. Also, people often envy youth as a whole: after all, young people have a lot of time and energy, they are beautiful, healthy and surely happy (even if it isn’t). Extremely jealousy can arise from deadly diseases, such as cancer: a person who has learned his diagnosis may begin to envy healthy relatives, or even blame them. It is also possible in the case when a person has a severe disability.
- Mental illness. Many mental illnesses (especially depression) are accompanied by a sense of worthlessness, a feeling that nothing good will happen in life, that others are much happier.
Therefore, a person suffering from mental illness, can begin to envy different people, including relatives.
- Initially present negative feelings. It is difficult to envy the “black” envy, if you value your relative, you appreciate him and you know that he is a wonderful person. Is that there will be a slight "white" envy, which is easy to handle. If the relationship is spoiled for any reason or was originally so-so, expressed envy may well appear.
- Unwillingness to share. If a person suddenly became successful and wealthy, he was immediately found by a mass of relatives who wanted him to do something for them: bought, arranged, and so on. And if he refuses, the envy of his relatives, who are already present, simply does not manifest, will become stronger, and they may begin to harm him.
One should distinguish between slight envy and more pronounced, which is difficult to control. Easy so-called "White" Envy is not a threat and will hardly lead to quarrels and conflicts.
Tips and tricks
How to get rid of the envy of people? It is important to be able to respond correctly to those who envy you: so you can keep calm and mental health.
What to do if they are jealous of black envy?
“Black” envy is what people call envy, which leads to quarrels, conflicts, causes people to hurt those whom they envy. Usually this feeling is expressed quite strongly.
Key recommendations:
- It is worth making sure whether this is envy. As has been said, sometimes people, having heard criticism, even constructive, declare criticism envious. It is not excluded that there is no question of envy. If you can not understand what is happening, try to talk to the alleged envious one-on-one: perhaps he will tell about his feelings.
- Break the conversation with the envious or cut it. If he behaves aggressively and inadequately, poisoning your life, it is important to find a way to exclude him from his own life. You may have to change school, work, move.
- Chat with the envier frankly. Not always envious - unfamiliar people. Sometimes they are close relatives and friends who started to envy and changed attitudes after you became more successful.
Try to talk in private with each other, explain that you always value communication, offer compromises, remind you that you can visit a psychologist.
- Faced with hatred, always remember what it is connected with. Manifestations of hate are easier to understand if you understand why it appeared. Remind yourself that a person is jealous.
- Call the police if the envious attacks are too serious. This is definitely worth doing if the envier resorted to violence (if the violence was physical, fix the damage in the hospital), threatened, engaged in hooliganism (including telephone hooliganism).
How to deal with envious people?
Tips:
- Communicate as needed or delete them from communication. Avoid those who may hurt you or have discomfort. If it is a colleague, limit yourself to working discussions.
- If you know for sure that a person is envious, but have not yet communicated with him, try to talk less about yourself in communication, avoid bragging.
- If you want to avoid envy by coming to a new team, also try to talk less about the personal, to brag, to speak negatively about those who do not have what you have. This does not exclude the likelihood of envy, but will reduce it.
How to deal with enviers, how to defend?
Tips:
- Try to discuss the situation with the envious. It is important to discuss one-on-one in a comfortable setting. Tell him about your own discomfort, explain what you want to achieve, offer compromises.
However, frankly aggressive people who represent a threat, it is better not to get involved.
- Call the police if necessary. No one should commit illegal actions.
- Break the conversation with the envious or cut it. Change job, educational institution.
- Chat with the guide. For example, if envy appeared in the classroom, refer to the class teacher, head teacher, director. Leaders interested in creating a favorable environment in the team will certainly respond.
Also It is useful to come to the reception to the psychologist: A competent specialist will certainly help to understand the situation and give useful recommendations. If the envier is non-aggressive and ready to change, you can invite him to a joint reception.
How to protect yourself from envious? Find out from the video:
