I used to constantly ask myself why congratulate people on birthdayNew Year, anniversary. Why shake hands? All these greetings seemed to me terribly senseless conventions, stupid traditions that people follow according to some stupid habit. I reluctantly congratulated people and also reluctantly accepted congratulations.
What can actually be social conventions?
But, as time passed, I realized that social “conventions” are not all conventions. And it is precisely such traditions that appeared in society for a reason. And the fact that these customs exist in different cultures in similar forms indicates that they grow not just from some arbitrary, transient cultural traditions, but from something more general and fundamental.
For example, a seemingly senseless handshake when greeting, in fact, stems from well-defined biological mechanisms.
The point is this. Nature tried to make people instinctively strive for hygiene, avoid infection. Therefore, we are disgusted by the sight of rodents, decaying bodies, excreta, as these are all potential sources of harmful bacteria. It turns out that human disgust is in the service of hygiene.
Any tactile contact with another person from the point of view of our evolutionary mechanisms is not entirely hygienic. A handshake or a kiss on the cheek at a greeting is a small deviation from the rules of hygiene. And in this permissible and safe violation of the rules lies the meaning of a handshake. With the help of him, we tell another person: "I trust you and I am ready to exchange bacteria with you a little." This is a biological sign of trust.
Despite the fact that we do not live in the Stone Age, these ancient mechanisms are still alive in us. And perhaps a handshake really unconsciously places people to each other and contributes to greater trust.
But what is the meaning of congratulations on your birthday, namely, in all good wishes for happiness, health, etc.? In my opinion, the meaning is more about psychology than biology.
Psychological Practices and Practices
In order to understand this meaning, let us turn to what seems to me a practice from Eastern culture, which has a well-defined purpose. In Buddhism, there is such a technique, it is called Metta or Loving-Kindness meditation.
This technique is that a person sitting in a relaxed position with his eyes closed wishes himself, his friends, relatives and even enemies of goodness and happiness. Wishes can be as simple feelings, feelings of love and kindness, and specific affirmations (short phrases that form the installation in the subconscious) like: "I wish happiness, love, prosperity ..."
This practice is aimed at developing compassion, empathy, love for all people and it really achieves these goals. Scientific studies have shown that 7 minutes of this practice per day improves a person’s relationships with other people, reduces anger, and contributes to the appearance of positive emotions.
(I plan to write a separate article about Metta's meditation soon, so subscribe to updates!)
In my opinion, the tradition of congratulations on birthday (and good wishes connected with this) is a psycho-practice aimed at developing and maintaining sympathy and love between loved ones. And the words of congratulations themselves are nothing but affirmations that evoke warm feelings within you. And the holiday serves as a pretext for carrying out psycho-practical work, just as religious holidays serve as reasons for some special prayer.
It so happens that many of the things that we perceive as simple traditions and customs carry a concrete practical meaning. It is possible that people wanted to somehow get close to dear people, to send the best thoughts in their direction and therefore invented holidays. It so often happens that we mingle in taking care of our affairs and problems, and a birthday or an anniversary is a reason to think about the happiness of another for a while!
It is possible that Western people unconsciously came to something that Buddhists practice consciously, knowing why. The elements of the psycho-practitioner can manifest themselves in certain areas of cultures originally alien to them, and there is nothing strange in this.
Therefore, use holidays and greetings as an excuse to cultivate your love and care for another person, to think about the best and to distract yourself from thinking about yourself. Take some time to think about the most sincere desires. Do not put this into pure formality, desire it with all your heart.
What do you really want this person? Think of his life. What does he lack? What does he want most? What can bring him happiness and satisfaction? Think about it and wish it to him sincerely. If the greeting is too personal, then you can always transfer it to a person in private.
For his part, the person you congratulate will understand that your congratulations come from a pure heart and are the result of your immersion in his life and desires, and therefore, your rapprochement.
And when you yourself accept congratulations, accept them with gratitude.
So, birthday greetings are not as meaningless as they may seem.
In turn, I want to thank the readers for all the greetings that I myself heard today!
Thanks you!
