I hate mother in law: what to do with this problem

Not every woman can boast a perfect relationship with her mother-in-law. Often, the man’s mother and his spouse are in such a tense relationship that they are literally unable to stay close.

“I hate my mother-in-law, what can be done about this?” - thousands of women turn to psychologists with a similar question. However, the answer must be sought not in external factors, but in the internal, spiritual problems of the lady herself.

Origins of the problem

“I sincerely hate my mother-in-law, what to do with this problem” - in order to correctly answer this question, it is worth going deeper into psychology.

Most often, two women are in conflict for the following reasons:

they cannot share a beloved man who is a son for one and a husband for another;
they have problems delegating home power;
conflicts often arise on the basis of raising children, because grandmothers are sure that they are much wiser and have more experience in dealing with the younger generation;
different views on life also give rise to conflicts;
if a man talks about a mother about quarrels in a family, then a woman will certainly have a biased attitude towards her daughter-in-law.

Perhaps the most common source of conflict is jealousy. The bride and the mother-in-law may not recognize this, but because of hegemony in relations with a man, they are ready to do much.

The mother is often jealous of his son to his darling, and the daughter-in-law herself, feeling this negative, turns against the mother-in-law.

Another problem that overtakes almost any family fits into one unwritten truth: "two hostesses in the kitchen are in trouble." If mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live together. They will invariably interfere with the proper upbringing of children, cooking and cleaning. These conflicts invariably spoil the atmosphere in the house, so psychologists advise to avoid them in all possible ways.

“I hate my mother-in-law and I don’t know how to deal with it” - in such a difficult situation, psychologists advise you to have patience and resort to common ways to eliminate family conflicts.

Ways to combat family problems

It has already been mentioned above that the first action that a girl who is in such a situation needs to do is to find out the true cause of the problem. Further, precisely on the basis of the problem, it is necessary to look for ways to solve it. What tips do psychologists give in this case?

It is necessary as little as possible to engage in open conflicts.
If the mother-in-law gives advice, it is necessary to listen to them, but not to follow them without question.
Dialogue always helps resolve family disputes at least for a while. You should talk to the mother-in-law and find out what the family troubles are about.
If you resolve the conflict fails. It is necessary to minimize communication with a relative.

How to stop hating mother in law? It seems that the most obvious answer is to stop seeing her. However, the rule “out of sight, out of mind” does not work well here, because this is about a family member. Minimizing contact with the mother-in-law, the daughter-in-law only generates additional conflicts. Sooner or later, children will begin to ask why they rarely see their grandmother, and the situation will cause resentment in her husband. As a result, the conflict will turn into an open stage.

Psychologists advise to talk with a relative, trying to figure out the cause of the problem. Perhaps this is banal jealousy, or maybe the lady herself, without noticing it, offended her relative. It is better to solve the problem now, so that in the end it does not turn into a long conflict.

It is also necessary to carefully listen to the advice of the mother in law, using the best of them. Often, daughters-in-law in a negative way perceive sincere help, which gives rise to unnecessary quarrels.

Is it worth it to embroil a husband in a conflict

Another always topical question - is it worth it to intervene beloved man in the emerging conflict. Psychologists give a clear negative answer.

According to experts, if a wife and mother-in-law start complaining to a man about their conflicts, he may simply not withstand such pressure.

Often, ladies force a strong representative to make a difficult choice between their mother and spouse, and this does not end with anything good. In addition, constant conversations with the husband about conflicts with the mother-in-law can reach the second side. As a result, the conflict will mature even more and will result in many years of hostility.

Psychologists are advised to devote the husband to the essence of the conflict only if the woman really suffers from excessive pressure of her mother-in-law for several months. In this case, the head of the family can calmly and reasonably talk to the mother.

It is important to take into account the relations of the husband and mother. If they also conflict, then there will be no help from the beloved. A woman will have to resolve the conflict on her own.

If a man is excessively close with a relative, you need to be careful in disclosing the situation so as not to turn your husband against yourself. Still, he can find another wife, but a man’s mother can have only one.

Important tips for resolving marital conflict

"I hate my mother-in-law for many years how to solve a problem" - this pressing question is so multifaceted that in each case he can have his answers. However, there are actual tips that need to be used in resolving any family conflicts:

do not harbor a grudge against each other for too long;
avoid petty quarrels because of nonsense, which in the end may affect the family climate;
not to interfere in the situation of children and other relatives;
objectively assess their own behavior and errors.

Sometimes the mother-in-law has quite adequate reasons to dislike the daughter-in-law. However, the woman refuses to perceive her guilt, because of what the conflict develops into a real war.

In such a situation, it is necessary to study the claims of the mother-in-law in detail and try to look at yourself from the outside. Are these quibbles relevant? Are there any truth in them? Psychologists advise women not to perceive themselves as an unquestioning ideal, since this is fraught with offensive disappointments.

Also, do not be offended by the mother-in-law because of any little things. It is important to understand that harmony in the family is above both pride and fleeting anger. Going to the application today, a woman will provide psychological comfort in the house tomorrow.

And, of course, in adult disassembly in no case should not interfere with children. When they can not express an opinion about the grandmother. You shouldn't invent her funny nicknames or quarrel in front of the kids. All this may affect the negative attitude of the heirs to the older generation, distorting their psychological appearance.

Also, the grandmother should not tell grandchildren about the bad qualities of their mother. Still, for kids the parent will always be the best. Children are sensitive to any negative changes in the family, so it is often impossible to protect them from conflict. The task of the family is to minimize the influence of this factor on the younger generation.

"Why don't the advice of a psychologist help me, and I still hate my mother-in-law?" Many ladies ask this question without thinking about how objective and sincere are their efforts to save the family microclimate. Dialogue and an easy attitude to petty cavils or conflicts lead to the fact that women manage to forget about all the insults in a short time.