Before the wedding, it seemed that this girl - the limit of all possible dreams. But over time, you can catch yourself thinking that you no longer want to go home. I do not want to see this woman and have something in common with her. It is not even indifference, but a feeling of deep dislike. Why is this happening? Is it possible to change something? Does it make sense to do something?
Definition
Hatred is a feeling of deep hostility and hostility, the opposite of love. Love encourages to be kind to man, and hate - to cause pain. This is not just a feeling of fatigue or a bad mood. To hate is to have hostile feelings for a long time.
Why can there be such a feeling in relation to the person he loved? It is important to find the answer to this question, because the solution of the problem depends on it.
The reasons
The reason for such a serious change can be three factors:
- load of unsolved problems and offenses
- unfulfilled expectations
- unexpected difficulties.
Each of these reasons should be considered in more detail. The following are conditional situations that are often found in families. All characters are fictional.
Unresolved problems. Marriage is the union of two people who will often be mistaken. Few people can immediately resolve conflict issues. Someone prefers to play in silence, or hurts a life partner to show what feelings they had to go through.
Fedor in his house as a guest. He does not want to go there, because there he always hears caustic remarks. He is already tired of hearing from his wife that he has the smallest salary, children do not see him, and in general his existence does not bring anything good. He is more and more locked in himself and tries to stay at home even less often, and leave most of his salary in the beer shop.
Unfulfilled expectations. When a person is in love, the part of the brain responsible for criticism does not work. And the girls trying to please her lover put more effort on what they are unable after the wedding. This can lead to frustration.
Igor looked at his spouse and did not recognize her. He weighed only 50 kilograms when they decided to get married. Now her weight is catching up with a centner, and she has ceased to be attractive to him. Any hint of excess weight causes hysteria, and a glance at a pretty girl is a scandal of jealousy. He thought that he would show off his wife to his friends, but now he does not want to take her with her to the corporate party.
Before the wedding, Anton was sure that his wife was so attached to his mother because there was no man in their family. But years later, he realizes that he was deceiving himself. The wife does everything on the orders of the mother-in-law, and at the mention of his mother begins to get angry. This, as well as the endless taunts of the mother-in-law are exhausting. Anton does not understand why he tolerates it all.
Unexpected difficulties. Loss of work, death of a loved one, forced travel - all this can be unsettling. Often, men and women treat this differently, which leads to serious misunderstandings.
Six months after the wedding, Sergei lost his job, and after a couple of months his wife reported a pregnancy. The lack of money is felt very acutely, and the head of the family is scary to imagine what will happen when the child is born. Spouses often quarrel, deciding what to spend the modest savings that melt before our eyes. It seems to Sergey that his wife is not thinking about the future, nor about his child, she is only interested in pineapples at four in the morning, for which he does not want to spend the money set aside for the wheelchair.
What can be done
Is it possible to somehow influence such strong feelings? In fact, if a person is willing to make an effort, then everything is fixable. It is better to start with small steps.
There is no magic word or deed that would immediately put everything in its place. To build relationships, you need to try hard, overcoming failures.
The first step to help change your attitude is to focus on the positive qualities of your spouse. To do this, you can write three positive qualities of the spouse in a small family photo or in a mobile, and keep with them. Sometimes, in moments of frustration and disappointment, this list will help focus on the good.
We'll have to accept the fact that some of the shortcomings of his wife will remain forever. Most likely, she herself is not happy with any changes. Such unrealistic expectations only hurt both.
Affected vanity can remind of itself for a long time. But instead of sifting through old grievances, it is worth thinking: did she really want to hurt? Women often say something under the influence of emotions, hormones, some grumble out of habit or from fatigue.
It is important to learn to talk with each other. Sincerely interested in the feelings and thoughts of the spouse, listen carefully, even when she speaks long and her words are unpleasant. Women have an unusual reaction to such attention: when she throws out everything, and her husband remains calm and talks with her, she herself feels that not everything said was right. It works better than any screams.
To give in or to remain silent in a quarrel is not at all a sign of weakness. This is an opportunity to show that peace in marriage is more important than personal ambitions. Such an act is a sign of maturity and wisdom.
You will need to learn to talk about your feelings in the right way. It is important to talk about what hurts while avoiding accusations. Instead of: “You are yelling at me forever!”, One can say: “I would like to resolve this issue calmly. I do not want to quarrel. ” This is especially important in matters relating to finances or relationships with relatives.
When disagreements arise, you need to try to put aside emotions, and see what feelings are behind the words of the wife. There is a valuable rule: to resolve disputes before it is time to go to bed. Of course, sometimes you need to give your feelings a little cool, but do not go to bed in a quarrel. This will help start a new day with pleasant thoughts about your wife.
The next step is to do something together. This applies to different areas of life: housework, the search for common interests and recreation. During joint business, you can learn to communicate easily and avoid sharp corners.
Before the wedding, people usually take the time to spend it together in a special way. If you revive such a tradition, a woman will feel loved. This will bring fresh feelings to the relationship and help you love each other even more.
Women love not only ears. Tenderness and care is what really bribes them. Studies show that couples who kiss in the morning are much happier than those who do not.
Why do you need it
To want to make an effort, you need to understand why it is needed. At first, there may be no desire to try for a spouse. Therefore, it is worth thinking about personal comfort: it is much easier to live with your loved one. So you should try at least for your own sake.
Divorce does not solve problems, but simply leads away from them. If you do not learn to deal with difficulties, they will appear in the new alliance.
If there are children in the family, then a wise, loving father who knows how to settle differences is a good example for them. This will help them grow balanced people and maintain the right attitude to marriage.
Another reason is the hope of a good result. When a woman feels loved, she is capable of enormous returns. Some changes may seem impossible, but they will come from love.
