How to understand yourself and your feelings

Sometimes your own thoughts do not give rest. There are a lot of questions spinning in my head: “what to choose?”, “Why did it happen so?”, “What should I do next?”. But no answers. Intuition and the heart are persistently silent, and the mind continually changes the decision. What to do in this case? How to understand yourself and your feelings?

What really happens?

The reasons for this confusion can be very different. The most banal - the excitement and excitement of unexpected news. Most people come to a stupor for a while, if something happens that was not part of their plans. Fortunately, this state does not last long. Usually after a couple of days (and sometimes hours), the person calms down and everything falls into place.

But what if disturbing thoughts do not leave the first day? After all, this state is very oppressive. It is impossible to do your usual activities, sleep, appetite, mood is getting worse. Most often, a person does not know how to understand himself for the following reasons:

Lack of information. The saying "you know less, sleep better" in this case does not work at all. Sometimes you only need one puzzle to complete the picture.
Surplus of information. And it happens the other way around. Rumors and gossip, especially controversial, cast doubts on one’s own views and feelings even more.
Narrow frame. If you have to choose between options that are not very comfortable, the brain automatically looks for ways to retreat. A vivid example is a woman who fell in love with another, but does not want to break up a family because of children.
Strong shock, psychological trauma. The need to understand oneself can be associated with the death of a loved one, a difficult childhood, rape, a threat to life, etc. In this case, it is important to talk your problem with a psychologist.
Difficult life circumstances. A series of troubles and failures almost always makes a person think what has gone wrong in his life and why? This is absolutely normal. This is the only way to find a way out of this situation. But it takes time.
Digging as a way to attract attention. People who are close to the role of the victim, often tormented themselves with complex issues, just to cause pity. In fact, all they need is a little attention. Having received warmth, sympathy, affection, they no longer look for a way to understand themselves.
Age crisis After a certain period of time (approximately every 7 years), a person needs to rethink his views on life. This is due to certain changes that have occurred or are coming in the near future. For example, in adolescents, a lot of questions are caused by the beginning of sexual life, in old people - the approach of death, etc.

What to do?

There are many ways to understand yourself. The easiest and at the same time effective - sit down and think. It is important not to be distracted by extraneous noise, bright light, hunger, etc. Stay alone, dim the lights, turn off the TV and sit comfortably in a chair.

Mark the significance of your question. Will it matter in a week? Year? Decade? Try to imagine what an authoritative person would do for you in this situation (mother, grandfather, famous person). Now think that you would advise your best friend in such a situation. Try to find an alternative solution to the problem.

Do not go in cycles. If you can't figure out yourself, put the matter aside for a while. Sometimes the answer comes completely unexpectedly itself. And yes, do not make any decisions at night or in the evening. All the best thoughts visit us in the morning.

If this method does not help, then you need to take more decisive actions:

Get more info.
Eliminate the false and doubtful.
On a piece of paper, write down the scenarios that will follow after your choice.
Which one do you like more?
What do you need to do?

Love affairs

Most often, a woman cannot understand herself because of her ambiguous feelings towards a man or men. Do you have a relationship with a friend? Which candidates for the hand and heart to choose? In such a situation, it is important not to make decisions in the heat of the moment. Use the following tips:

Find out the chosen one better. You can gently ask about his mutual friends, get acquainted with his family, or go together on a trip. But a person is especially well revealed in difficult, almost extreme situations. Create one, and you will see if you can have something in common with this man.
Temporarily stop any communication. Some people deliberately or unconsciously manipulate us, creating confusion in thoughts. If you do not know how to understand yourself and your feelings, then perhaps this is the reason. Left alone, you can understand what you really need.

Advice of the author. If you choose between two men, or if you doubt whether you will enter into a new relationship, then you need to ask yourself the question: "Is he dear to me?" Often, it turns out, it turns out that no. When a woman is in love, she does not doubt and does not weigh. Even the most cautious runs into the pool without looking back. Therefore, no matter what option you choose now, for sure over time you will be overwhelmed by other, already real feelings.

Do I need to understand at all?

Sometimes we begin to delve into ourselves over trifles. In fact, behind the desire to understand oneself lies the need for love, new emotions, cardinal changes in life. It is best to relax in such a situation and get away from heavy thoughts. For example, gather in a circle of close friends, drink warm tea with your favorite chocolate or just dream along to pleasant, soothing music.

Well, if you decide to arrange a general cleaning in your head, so to speak, put everything on the shelves, then you can go to a session with a psychologist. Another option is to read books that help you understand yourself. For example, in the confusion of romantic feelings, it is useful to read "The Five Languages of Love" by Gary Chapman and "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood. Personal questions help solve the book ME. Litvak "If you want to be happy" Deepak Chopra "Seven Laws of Success", "Five injuries that prevent you from being yourself" Liz Burbo.

So, if you cannot understand yourself, then first of all you need to calm down. Take a bubble bath, brew a delicious tea. Allow yourself to be distracted and tune in a positive way. Surely the problem will seem less. Now you can calmly think about solutions. You will definitely find the right answer!